The Chauffeur

Ugh, I was so utterly lazy today. I literally had no energy to do anything. I finally got showered and ready around 3 pm, but I was still feeling just so tired. My mom wanted to go around to a bunch of shops and hit up all of the after Christmas sales, aka see what's on sale for 50% off. I literally just drove her around to a bunch of different stores because I couldn't be bothered to go inside with her. #1) I hate shopping, #2) I was soo drained, and #3) there was nothing I even wanted to shop for. Sometimes I can get in the mood to shop if the shopping has a purpose. Oh, this store didn't have the iPhone cover I wanted? Let me go to every other store in town that might sell it and see if they have it. Yeah, I like shopping if I'm shopping for something I really want. If it's just shopping for the sake of shopping, I HATE it. Stores just seem so boring! There are thousands of people just milling about under fluorescent lights, burning daylight, and looking at junk. No one even goes outside anymore and enjoys nature. Just saying.

After being my mom's chauffeur all afternoon, my best friend called and asked if we wanted to meet up with her at a Mexican restaurant. I agreed, even though I wasn't that hungry and I kind of wanted to save my empty stomach for drinking. Oh well. I ended up eating chips with salsa and a taco salad. Dinner was nice enough. My best friend sneaked and paid for the bill even though she shouldn't have! She just lamented to me the other day that she didn't have $5.50 to go see a movie with me, yet here she is paying for a $30+ meal? Oh yeah, she also flashed me over $800 in cash tips she got from all of her paper route customers for the holidays...so wait, WHY couldn't she afford to go to the movie with me? Oh yeah, she COULD, she just didn't want to go.

Anyway, I still tried getting buzzed with wine at home since my sister would be bringing my roommate from HELL over to spend the night. Again, I wish I had never agreed to be roommates with one of my sister's friends. Horrible idea! Even after I spent 2 hellish years with this girl, my sister still thinks it's appropriate to bring this girl around to our house? What is she trying to do, torture me? Even worse, she had the audacity to ask me if I would give up my bed and my room for the ex-roommate to stay in! I said HELL to the NO. I had to sit here listening to the ex-roommate gossip about all kinds of crap. The "drama" other people have in their lives is really boring. My poor sister and I are both "listeners", so we tend to attract people who want to spill out their nonsense to us. Ugh.

I heard from N today. He sent me a few texts this morning, saying he misses me so much and that he can't wait to have me all to himself again. He said that once we're together again, he is going to take his time making love to me and he's going to make me feel good. WELL, we will just have to see if that happens, won't we? He actually called this afternoon while I was in the car waiting on my mom to come out of one of the shops. It was a brief conversation, and it didn't feel like it had much depth to it. Even though he claims he misses me...I don't know if I felt it or heard it in his voice. Ok, I'm probably insane because I know he loves me and misses me. Maybe I'm the one who isn't feeling it. Sigh, I don't know. Since I've been away from him, I've just kind of detached myself from the whole idea that I now have a live-in boyfriend whom I'm probably stuck with for the rest of my life. I'm stuck with him because he's already declared his love for me and lives with me, and because I don't foresee myself finding anyone else. That sounds horrible because I do truly have feelings for him. Anyone who has read this diary KNOWS that. I have been hung up on this guy for ages. It's just...I don't know, now that we're more serious, I can't help but take his flaws more seriously (NOT that I'm perfect!). Every little thing he does that rubs me the wrong way, I wonder...can I live with this for the rest of my life? Is this the kind of person I want to always be around? Sadly, sometimes the answer is no. Even so, I feel like I have no choice and that I should really cling on to him because he's probably the only chance at "love" that I'll ever have, even if it's definitely not the idea of love I've always pictured in my head. Maybe this is just as good as it gets and I should suck it up, I don't know.

Anyways, enough about that. I guess I'll go heat up some noodles now to make myself even more whale-like, if that's possible. I guess if I really want to quit my job, there's always Seaworld. I'm sure they could use a few more Shamus.

10:24 p.m. - Friday, Dec. 27, 2013


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