The Boyfriend

I'm someone's girlfriend. I have a boyfriend. ME! Who would have ever thought this would happen? Not me EVER. I'm slowly but surely getting used to the idea. Someone loves me. I used to cry myself to sleep at night wishing for this very thing to happen, and now it has, finally. Wow.

So my boyfriend (yes, I have one now, didn't you know?), N, visited me this weekend. He was here from Saturday evening until Tuesday morning. When he got here Saturday evening, I flung open the door to my apartment and he was immediately in my arms, grabbing me up in a hug and then his lips were on my mouth. He said he had been missing me a lot, and I could tell. I missed him, too.

Once he had gotten settled in, he took a nice, hot shower since he had just worked a long day. I let him take his time and enjoy it since he doesn't get to do that often (neither do I!). While he showered, I continued drinking the bottle of wine I had opened shortly before he arrived and continued reading lostasme's diary. I have been reading her diary for a long time now, but I haven't read her earliest entries, so I'm doing that now and I'm currently obsessed. She's a great writer, so much so I have to remind myself that what I'm reading is not a story, but in fact her real life. I think she would make a killing at being a writer. I would buy her stuff for sure.

Anyways, after N showered, we cuddled and made out on the couch while talking and drinking. I love those kind of moments with him. We may have also had sex before my sister got home, but I can't remember. We had sex so many times this visit that I've lost track of what happened when. I'm pretty sure we had sex 12 times this visit. We used up a brand new 10-count box of condoms, plus two from a previous box. When you do it that many times in a short amount of time, you forget the details! I do remember VERY clearly that he was able to "get me there" twice, if ya know what I mean. Once with just his hand and the other with his, ahem, tongue. I could tell he was putting in the extra effort to please me. Maybe this guy really does have feelings for me.

Anyways, we made pizza and wings for dinner and had it just coming out of the oven when my sister came home. We all ate dinner and watched Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. We all had a great time, laughing and drinking. My sister NEVER drinks and she had four beers that night, so she was just talking up a storm! By the end of the night, she was speaking in rapid Spanish to me. I could understand a lot of what she said, but replying is difficult for me now since I haven't had Spanish in ohhh, let's see, 6 years. Omg I'm getting old!

On Sunday, N and I got Zaxby's for lunch and watched the movie The Bucket List on tv. Afterwards, we went to a nearby park to walk around since it was nice outside. It was fun walking with him because he put his arm around me and even held my hand because now I'm his girlfriend and he can do that kind of stuff in public. After walking, we went to the grocery store to get cigarettes for him and a few food items for late night snacking.

For dinner, N and I traveled to a nearby city to go to this nice restaurant that I've been to before (but in Atlanta, GA). We had a great time eating stuffed mushrooms, pasta, and drinking beer. Afterwards, we took a walk around a mall next-door, but we quickly realized all of the shops inside had closed early since it was Sunday. Even so, we had a brief stroll walking through the mall that was lit with only a few twinkling lights. This song "If You're Out There" by John Legend was playing on the speakers from the ceiling high above, and the all-granite floor and smooth walls of the mall made the song echo beautifully. The combination of the dim glow from the twinkling lights and the echo of a beautiful song high above made for a romantic stroll through the mall, if I do say so myself. We headed home afterward and watched part of the movie Mud before we both were falling asleep on the couch from sleepiness.

The next day was Monday, a day I have to work. Did I work? No. I couldn't resist the presence of my boyfriend, who had the day off, so I called out "due to illness". We slept in spectacularly late, ate bagels and drank coffee when we woke, and finished the movie Mud. After we had finished the movie it was lunch time, so we got bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy's and chowed down while watching the movie The Call. My sister came home shortly after we watched that movie and then my mom called, so I was stuck on the phone talking to my mom while my sister and my boyfriend chatted it up about their experiences living abroad. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and love talking to her, but I was anxious to hang on to my boyfriend's every word (not really); I just wanted to be involved in whatever he and my sister were talking about, not that I could relate to living abroad or anything like that.

We heated up a ton of pasta leftovers for dinner and watched the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I drank a whole bottle of wine during this course of time, plus 2 beers, I believe. Throughout the movie, N and I would just grin at each other and smile, looking into each other's eyes and at each other's mouths. Yeah, my sister definitely picked up on that, so that was kind of awkward when she told me about that later. Oh well, I can't resist him, so what? He's my boyfriend now, so it's allowed, right? We went to sleep after the movie, and he left early the next morning because I had to be at work at 8 am. It sucked saying goodbye because I always miss him when we're apart. I won't see him again for 2 weeks.

We actually had a brief tough spot this visit. While lying in bed Monday night trying to fall asleep, somehow the topic of kids came up. I mentioned how I assumed we would go our separate ways in about 5 years time because I want children and he doesn't. It was very clear to me entering this relationship that it wouldn't be something that would last extremely long term because we disagree on a major life decision that can't be compromised on. If I don't have a kid because he doesn't want one, I lose out big time, and if I have one and he's forced into a situation he never wanted in the first place, we both lose out big time. I would never force him to have a kid with me; that was never my intention. I just assumed that when the time came, we would part ways and I would head to the sperm donor clinic, like I have always planned. I know I'm not going to find a guy who actually wants to marry me and have kids with me, so the sperm donor and doing it on my own thing has always been my only option.

Apparently, splitting up in the not-so-distant future did not occur to N, and he actually seemed hurt and upset. He implied that I didn't want him, so I had to explain that we just have different things we want out of life, things that can't be compromised on, like I said. He agreed, but he still didn't want to accept that we would end one day. He even said, "so, do you want me to say that I'll give you a baby?" I couldn't even believe he said that because he seemed to be considering that option, even though that option had never crossed my mind. I told him that wearing him down to get my way was never my intention, which is why I just assumed we would split up one day. Being a typical girl, I couldn't help but get emotional and cry a little, and he immediately hugged my and kissed away my tears. He asked why I was crying and I told him that I want a kid one day, and that I knew he wouldn't stick around for that because that's not what he wants. I, too, was sad that "we" have an expiration date. Most relationships do these days, don't they? People don't stay together until "death do you part" anymore, so it's almost guaranteed that a relationship will not last.

Anyways, I said that we don't have to figure that stuff out right now because having kids is a long way down the road for me anyway. He seemed to accept that answer for now, though the next morning before he left he came up to me and sweetly kissed me and told me that he had thought a lot about what I had said, and that he wants nothing more than for me to be happy. He didn't say anything else, but I think he meant that he would have a kid with me. I don't know, I could have misread that. I doubt it. Even if he said that, give it time and he'll change his mind. I'm not counting on marrying him or having kids with him, if ya know what I mean. I'm still planning on going to the sperm bank when I'm 30 years old, haha.

So, that was that. Other than my new relationship, nothing else is going on in my life. I'm still crawling my way through my last year of grad school. It hasn't been too bad, but I'm sure that means that shit is about to hit the fan soon. That's just how this job is, and I wish I had realized that sooner so I could have picked something else. Oh well, too late now.

9:28 p.m. - Wednesday, Oct. 30, 2013


previous - next

latest entry





other diaries: