A Bit Not Good

Well, I've probably already blown it. I'm not off to a good start with this whole being a girlfriend thing.

So, my boyfriend, N, was told by his roommate a week ago that he has to move out by November 1st because he's moving his friend in to help her out while she's in a tight spot. N has been desperately looking for a new place to live on Craigslist, but obviously a week is not enough time to see if anything will pan out.

So, N called me while I was at work yesterday, and he was in a total panic because he has to move out but he has nowhere to go. I asked him if he had asked his roommate for more time to find a place, and he said no. He also flat out refused to even ask for more time because he was convinced he already knew his roommate would say no. I couldn't understand why he simply wouldn't ask for more time. Even if his roommate did say no, at least he could say he tried, right? N does have the tendency to overreact and misread people, so I thought perhaps that was going on and that maybe the roommate would give him more time.

But anyways, the only solution to this whole problem was for N to "temporarily" move in with me in the apartment that I share with my sister. Yep. Officially in a relationship for only a few weeks and now we're moving in together?? WTF. It stressed me out so much because N was demanding to know YES OR NO to if he could move in with me. While I do love him and wish I could see him more often, living together is a HUGE step, a step I wasn't sure I was ready for.

So what bright idea came into my head? Oh, I know! I'll message N's roommate on Facebook myself, just to be absolutely sure he can't have more time. That'll go over well! So, the roommate and I had a civil discussion about the situation, but the roommate basically is a prick and is not budging on N only having a week to move out, so that was a bust.

Of course, N found out I had messaged his roommate behind his back and he was none too happy. He said it made him look weak to have a girlfriend who goes behind his back and tries to solve his problems for him as if he's not capable of doing so himself. Obviously, that was not my intention at all; I just wanted to hear it from the roommate myself that N couldn't have more time to find another place to live. So yeah, he was pretty upset with me about that and I had to apologize profusely. He forgave me of course, and he even said, "I see you as my wife one day honestly, so I need to know I can depend on you". WHAAAAT.

Since it was Halloween and craziness was generally in the air, I managed to make everything even worse later that night (go me). I went out for drinks with a friend of mine because she had a crazy day at work that she just had to vent about. I was all for drinking because the stress of deciding to let N move in had gotten to me. We were at this Mexican restaurant for 2 hours, talking and drinking. Who even knows how many beers I had. A lot. Anyways, I told her about how N self-diagnosed himself with Bipolar Disorder which I don't really agree with because I don't think he fits that diagnosis. I talked about him and she agreed that he's not severe enough to say he has Bipolar Disorder. Nice conversation, eh?
So anyways, I went home and decided to CONTINUE drinking, and by continue drinking, I mean a whole bottle of wine. Not one of those little bottles, either. A big bottle. N called me after I had almost finished the bottle. We talked about this and that and I think it was mostly a good conversation (I can't really remember), but I always ruin everything eventually! I mentioned how I had talked to my friend about him not really being Bipolar, and that started a whole bunch of shit. He argued with me, saying he knows himself and what he has, and I argued back saying he's not a psychologist like my friend and I are. Being quite inebriated, I probably came on way too strong and argumentative, and I regret that hugely. I remember he asked, "how much wine have you had tonight?" I probably argued some more, and he said, "I'm not listening to this anymore, I'm going to bed" so I said fine and hung up. A bit not good, yeah?

He hasn't even texted me at all today, so I bet he's pretty upset with me. I feel like I have let him down so much, with the whole messaging his roommate thing and then arguing drunkenly with him after he just had a really stressful day. What's wrong with me?? I knew I wasn't cut out to be anyone's girlfriend. I'm just not girlfriend material. Oh well, guess it was fun while it lasted.

3:34 p.m. - Friday, Nov. 01, 2013


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