N texted me yesterday morning after I was silent for a week and didn't answer his last text. It was just a simple, "how are you?". I decided to respond late last night with just a "good, you?". He texted back right away, saying, "Good. I miss you. I wish things hadn't gotten complicated. I hope to see you on my birthday at least". I thought about not responding at all again, but something possessed me to say, "I miss you, too". He didn't text back last night or today.

I'm getting sucked back in! I was doing so well with letting him go, even forgetting about him sometimes when I used to think about him literally every second. Now here I am, checking my phone constantly in the hopes that I'll see a message from him. He probably had the day off from work today and he spent it fucking that neighbor girl. They probably went downtown and had lunch together, walked around, then came back to the apartment and fucked some more. Basically, everything we used to do.

I don't want to get sucked back into him because I don't want to hear what he's been up to, which is fucking that girl. Or worse, he's found a new woman that he's "in love" with. NO, NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE. I don't want to hear any of it. I don't care if he's going through a "tough time", he can call one of his million other gal pals for support. I don't even think I want to see him on his birthday. I would have to buy him a gift, and after what he did to me, I don't think so! Plus, he's never even gotten me a birthday gift, not a single one. Not even a card!

And what is this, he wishes things hadn't gotten complicated? HE is the one who made everything fucking complicated!! He's the one who led me on, making me believe he had feelings for me. He KNEW how I felt about him, KNEW I loved him, and what does he do? He calls me up to tell me all about being seduced by the neighbor girl, who then blew him off, boo hoo, he's depressed. FUCKING SELFISH BASTARD. How did he NOT understand how that would make me feel? He didn't even THINK of what that would do to me because AS USUAL, it's ALWAYS about HIM. He's so incredibly selfish. A girl tells you she loves you, you talk to her about being exclusive and moving in together, and then you call her and tell her you fucked someone else?? What the hell is WRONG with you???

He doesn't miss me, what a lie. He hasn't even seen me in a month, and we've only exchanged barely a handful of texts in that amount of time, no doubt because he's preoccupied with the neighbor girl. He always goes silent when there's someone else. I was always there and always supportive, but I think I need to be done with him completely. He hurt me too much, so now he's lost me for good.

He's got serious problems, and I need to wash my hands of this weirdness, as Jack Sparrow would say. Dealing with him brought more negativity into my life than positive. The way he acted could have me depressed and extremely happy all in one day, and being on a roller coaster of emotions like that is not fun. How about some STABILITY, eh?

Sometimes, there are people you just don't need in your life. They may have been there for a while and it may have seemed like a good thing, but sometimes it's just meant to end. It's hard to let those people go, but sometimes, it's for the better.

11:11 p.m. - Monday, Mar. 04, 2013


previous - next

latest entry





other diaries: