Pomp & Circumstance

Ok, so I'm graduating with my Master's degree tomorrow. Why am I not happy? It's great that I'm getting my Master's by age 24. It's great that I'm getting an education that'll help me have a good, solid career for the rest of my life. I just feel like a huge failure when it comes to the things that matter in life, like love.

Everyone already knows my sob story of never having a boyfriend and how I'm surrounded by girls who are getting engaged and married. I'm constantly being reminded of how alone I am. Just today, I went to get my first ever manicure in attempt to look nice for graduation and the first thing the little Asian lady doing my nails says is, "boyfriend?". Nooope, never had one of those, what's that???

I just can't even be excited about getting my Master's. I feel like one day I'll be at the end of my life, and all I'll have to show for it are a few degrees and a lifetime of working. No boyfriend. No husband. No kids. No family. I won't have accomplished any of the things that really matter in life.

To be 24 and to have never had a guy want to call me his girlfriend or even date me is just so sad. I don't have leprosy or anything, but I might as well be a pariah because no guys are ever interested. Sure, I've got some extra weight on me, but it's not a lot by any means. There are way bigger people than me out there who have significant others. All of this just makes me conclude that there must be something wrong with me, something that makes me unloveable and unwantable. I wish I could just accept that I'll always be alone. Since nothing will ever change, I wish I could just become ok with it so it wouldn't bother me and make me sad. Even after all these years, I've never become ok with it, so I've always been sad, and unfortunately, I don't see that changing any time soon.

10:31 p.m. - Wednesday, May. 01, 2013


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