Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised, or hurt, for that matter.

I was talking to my "friend with benefits" on the phone the other evening when his ex girlfriend called in, and he said he would call me back. I know he and his ex still talk, so whatever, I thought. It slightly stung that he would rather end a conversation with me in order to talk to her, but what hurt worse was what I heard when he called back.

First, I was surprised he even called back. I figured he would talk to her for an hour or more and be too tired to call me back, since it was late in the evening. When he did, though, I regretted it. He said he and his ex had had a good talk, and that they're in a place now where they can be friends. That's not what upset me. I am supremely proud of him for even saying such a statement because when he and his ex broke up, he was devastated, as anyone would be at the end of a four year relationship. He was devastated and depressed to the point that I was sincerely worried because he would say extremely disturbing things...

Anyways, what bothered me was that he and his ex talked about possibly fooling around. That's confusing to me because they live several states away from each other now, and this guy doesn't even have the money to visit me in a town that's only an hour and a half away from him in the same state, so how would he have the money to afford fooling around with her? (He has visited me before, FYI). He did mention that being back with her would be familiar and like the old days, and I get that, but it still is weird that they even talked about that being a possibility, especially since she has a guy that she's been fooling around with, and my friend has me to fool around with.

As a "friend with benefits," though, I ultimately have no right to be upset. I assert, though, that I am more than just a friend with benefits. I've met this guy's whole family and his best friend, and I've spent the night with all of them at the family lake house more times than I can count. They all love me, and we all have fun together. I'm more than just a side job. I am truly a friend that he values and trusts, and I just so happen to also agree to have sex with him. Lucky him.

What did shock me, though, was my friend saying that if his ex wanted to get back into a relationship again, he would turn her down. This guy literally was suicidal when he and this girl broke up, so for him to say that he doesn't even want her is HUGE. It's been about a year since they broke up, so I guess time has made him realize that maybe she wasn't the best thing for him after all. She treated him pretty poorly and knew how to hurt him more badly than anyone, and he realizes now that he does not want that again. Good for him.

Still hurts that he doesn't want ME to be his girlfriend...sigh.

1:21 a.m. - Sunday, Apr. 08, 2012


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