Here's a few other updates I haven't touched on but are pretty significant...
Nick's younger brother, L, (who is 29), has been struggling for a while with his mental health after numerous life setbacks. His setbacks started when he was pretty young (early 20s) when his aspirations to join the Navy were dashed after being arrested for DUI (weed). It was expunged from his record, but the Navy was off the table.
He started bartending at a restaurant where he met his girlfriend who we thought was the love of his life. She was beautiful (half black, half Phillipino) and smart and he was the happiest we've ever seen him with her. They dated for 3 or 4 years before breaking up for good in December 2019 (they had been living with her Phillipino mother and younger siblings, which is not good for an adult couple that has previously lived on their own).
He pretty much started to unravel after the breakup. He had to move back home with his mom and began drinking more heavily (he's historically always drank a lot but he took it to a new level). As a bartender, he was drinking entire bottles of liquor on the job and then driving home, things like that. He ended up wrecking his new Toyota Tacoma (probably under the influence) which was his pride and joy, so he was without a car. How he's not gotten a DUI for drinking and driving all these years, I'm not sure. He started bartending at a "members only" club where he was offered (and partook in) cocaine, who knows how many times. He got a new girlfriend, a tiny woman from the Philippines (his ex-gf who was half Philippine was American). He clearly has a type lol. This girlfriend later told us how she would sleep in her car outside the members-only club as she was worried about him driving home and the type of people he was hanging around.
We thought things were on the upswing for him when he was accepted into the Fire Academy to become a firefighter, but again, his dreams didn't work out as he was hospitalized for low sodium levels due to the extremely strenuous training (we later learned he was still drinking heavily after work which probably contributed to his dehydration and low sodium levels during the intense training). In the hospital, he was not in his right mind and refused to complete treatment, literally pulling out IVs and running from the hospital. His fire captain told him he could not return to the Fire Academy without completing treatment, which he did not do. So, the potential career as a firefighter was over. He and his new girlfriend also broke up after a year or so together as she could not deal with him and his mental health issues. Another setback.
He started driving for Uber with his stepdad's car (an old Toyota Camry) which he soon totaled. He apparently had been drinking and driving (thank God no customers were in the car with him!!!) and when he wrecked, he just left the scene of the accident and walked for several miles. His stepdad eventually picked him up and he (the stepdad) later told us that he could smell the alcohol coming off of L from several feet away. Damn. L's mom and stepdad only had 2 cars for the family - the old Camry and their family van. With the Camry now totaled, his mom and stepdad literally had to go out and buy a new car (they got a Honda Insight). Instead of having a come-to-Jesus moment with L, what did they do? They allowed him to use the family van for his Uber rides! Like, he had at this point totaled 2 cars! Why would you just keep giving him cars?? I guess they knew he needed to work and to do that, he needed a vehicle. Sigh.
After living with his mom for several years, he abruptly moved in with a friend (we weren't told why, but just that he couldn't be at home anymore). We thought maybe that was a good thing because what man in his late 20s wants to still be living at home? However, shortly after moving in with the friend, that situation imploded (we weren't told why). Nick's mom and sister K were actually visiting us when whatever happened with the roommate went down as she was on the phone trying to get him a hotel room. We could tell something was wrong, but we didn't ask or push her to tell us as she was clearly upset and didn't want to talk about it.
It turns out what was going on was much worse than we could have imagined. Several weeks later after K's high school graduation, we all were up at the grandparents' lakehouse to celebrate when we learned that L was actually living with the grandparents now and we soon learned why. L revealed to Nick that he had just been released from a 2 week stay at a psychiatric hospital. We were like whaaaat. He told Nick that he had been abusing his ADHD medication, Adderall, and it caused him to have hallucinations and delusions. The day his mom got him a hotel room after moving out of his friend's house, he was hallucinating and fully believed his family was in danger. His solution was to throw a chair through his 3rd story hotel room window and JUMP OUT. He literally fucking jumped out of a 3rd story window. By the grace of God, he landed on an awning below and was spared DEATH or any major injury (besides cuts on his hands from touching the broken glass on the window when he jumped out). People who saw him jump called for an ambulance and when they arrived, they judged he was having some sort of mental break as he was still convinced his family was in danger and yelling for police to go help him. He was transported to the hospital where he stayed for 2 weeks. He was taken off his Adderall and put on Risperidone, an anti-psychotic, which he was taking when we first saw him after this ordeal. His whole personality was different on this medication. His voice literally sounded different, he was lethargic, and his appetite had increased exponentially as he was eating a ton. He was living with the grandparents as a way to get away from everything (their house is in a very remote area far from any city, friends, bars, etc.). We just couldn't believe everything he was telling us but we were glad he was ALIVE.
After the initial shock of hearing about him jumping out of the hotel window, we have since heard even more stories of his erratic behavior leading up to the window jump. There was a time he was driving on the interstate, alone, when he believed someone was in the car with him trying to kill him. He pulled over and jumped out of the car and ran through the woods, which he wandered through overnight. He was found the next day disoriented and all scratched up from brambles in the woods. We also learned why it didn't work out with his roommate. It turns out he was convinced the neighbor, who is a cop, was...well, I'm not sure what he believed, but basically L attempted to kick in the neighbor's door, in an attempt to do what, I have no idea. Had L made it into the house and the cop had been home, the cop could have shot him DEAD for entering his home and he would have been fully within his right!
So, those are the major instances we have heard about and I'm sure there are many we haven't heard. We were worried that L's erratic behavior was due to a serious mental health issue, possibly bipolar disorder or schizophrenia (both of which run on his mom and dad's sides of the family). However, we recently saw L for my MIL's and C's birthdays (55 and 21, respectively) and L was back to his old self. He stopped taking the Risperidone prescribed at the hospital and he seemed much like the L we've always known. He was back to his silly self, calm, happy. It was amazing to see. He also happens to have a new girlfriend, ANOTHER tiny beautiful woman from the Philippines (he does not deviate from his type lol). He's working out again. He seemed VERY good. What we believe now is that all of that erratic behavior was due to him abusing his Adderall (taking significantly too much) along with heavy drinking, which he admitted to. Whether he was doing anything else with it (i.e., cocaine), we don't know. Seeing how normal he was this past visit does lead me to believe his behavior was all drug-induced and not due to a mental health issue. Now that's not to say he doesn't have any mental health problems, because he definitely does - he struggles with anxiety and obviously depression - but it does not seem he is bipolar or schizophrenic. Drugs can mess people UP! L is still living with the grandparents and that seems to still be good for him for now. He also recently got a job bartending at an upscale restaurant in the nearest town 30 minutes away. I'm not so sure that's the best idea for him to be around alcohol, but he needs and wants to work, so that's what he's doing. He also has been drinking the last couple of times I've seen him, but not heavily. He also told Nick he recently went two weeks without drinking at all, which is probably a feat for him.
Anyways, that's the big update with L. A lot has happened and we just couldn't be happier that he is alive and seems to be doing well right now. I just hope it lasts and that positive things happen for him.
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Other updates:
Cindy's daughter, E, had her baby girl, Viviana, on July 12. She weighed almost 10 lbs and has cute chubby cheeks! Since E and I aren't close at all, who knows when or if I'll ever even meet the baby. I sent her a $100 DoorDash gift card to help get her through the newborn days, and she texted me thanking me for that.
It's still wild to me that even E, someone who has not ever been very nurturing or motherly, gets to be a mom and I don't. That's probably very mean to say, but that's how I feel. I won't dive into the talk of "wah no kids" right now, but it's still something that lingers in the back of my mind, even though it's clear I don't really want kids myself. It's just disappointing to know that I won't experience something I always thought I would, you know? I think about women in general and how our bodies are literally made to have babies and I'm just...not going to. Even in nature with all animals, it's mommies and babies. It's just how nature goes and I will not ever experience it. I also think about me and Nick, old and lonely with no family of our own. He is not bothered by that thought at all, though I doubt he has ever really deeply thought about it. He just knows he doesn't want kids. That also kind of weirdly hurts my feelings in a way, like why wouldn't my husband, who supposedly loves me dearly, not want to have a baby with me? Other husbands can't wait to have a little baby that looks like their wives or whatever but Nick does not think like that at all. It makes me feel I'm not good enough for him to want that with me, in a way. I know that's not what it is, it's just that having kids is not what he wants for his life (though he never considered what I might want for mine...).
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In other news, I'm on week 18 of taking semaglutide and I'm up to the 1 mg dose. I have 4 weeks of medication left before I run out. Sadly, this hasn't been the game changer in terms of weight loss that I thought it would be as I haven't lost very much weight at all. I've been taking it since mid-April and I've lost about 8 pounds overall. I also did not gain weight over the summer for once, which I'm very glad about. So, I'm happy I lost a little bit at least but disappointed I can't continue taking the medication or increase my dose (which may have resulted in more significant weight loss). I worry about what will happen once I do run out of the medicine...will my intense cravings come back? Will I gain weight?
The medicine probably wasn't very effective for me because, oh I don't know, I didn't change my eating habits or exercise! Like what a fucking idiot I am! The medicine definitely made me feel full on less food so that alone is why I lost a little bit, but I still frequently DoorDashed fast food, drank wine, and sat on my ass (other than all the steps I got on the Europe trip). The medication is no longer an option for me, so I really wonder if I should just pursue weight loss surgery. I obviously don't have what it takes to do this on my own. I definitely acknowledge and realize I have a lot to improve in terms of diet and exercise, but it's very defeating when I attempt to do those things and my weight doesn't budge even a little. If I got weight loss surgery and started to lose weight and started to see that it is possible for me to be a healthy normal weight, I think that would be motivating for me to make more positive changes and choices. Right now, I'm defeated and unmotivated. I'm essentially prediabetic (A1C below 5.6 but fasting glucose has been over 100 for the last many years) and headed toward Type 2 Diabetes. I know there are simple changes I could make to diet and exercise but like I said, I have no motivation. Sigh, same old, same old. It's just more present in my mind as I'm approaching my 35th birthday, the age my dad was when he died from weight-related complications. I don't want to end up the same way.
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I'm back at work, though teachers aren't back yet, so I've been able to work virtually from home for the last 2 weeks, which has been fun. I'll have to be in person at school on Monday, so summer vacay will officially be over. I had a good run, so I can't complain too much. I'm also excited because they updated the pay scales again and I'm getting bumped up another $4,000! That puts my yearly salary this year at $87,944. That's insane! So, so grateful! I also paid off my car, so that's essentially another $320/month "raise" lol. I really do have a lot to be thankful for!
11:03 a.m. - Thursday, Aug. 10, 2023