The East Coast

I am freaking out because I have my first BIG GIRL job interview tomorrow at 3 pm. I'll be interviewing with a school district on the coast (yay, the beach!).

This will be the first job interview I'll be going on since graduating from grad school. It's also the first interview I've been on in a looong time. I just hate interviews! I hate the stupid questions they ask, like "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" and "tell us about yourself". Ugh, I dread this. The only good thing about this is I get a trip to the coast out of it. N and I have been wanting to take a trip to this coastal town, and now we have our chance. Since my interview isn't until 3 pm, I figure we can leave early in the morning, drive the 3 hours down there, and then have lunch somewhere before I go to the interview. After the interview, we can have a nice seafood dinner before heading home. Should be fun, right?

Sigh, I'm just really nervous. I have no confidence in myself and think I'm going to bomb the interview. I just hate the whole idea of interviews and trying to give "smart" answers and all of that. You basically have to pretend you're someone that you're not, and since I'm not an actress, it's not the most comfortable thing to do. I just hate not knowing what to say! I'm sure I'll come across as a blithering idiot. Oh well.

Well, what else has been going on? Not much, I guess. Things are still going well with N. He's excited about my interview because he very much wants to move away from where we currently live. I would honestly rather stay where we are because I don't want to leave my sister. If we move, she'll be without a roommate, plus the support of me to help her with school (she's in the 1st year of the same grad school program I just graduated from). I would feel really bad about leaving her... :( However, the school district I currently work for does not know if they'll even have any openings for the upcoming school year because of budget cuts. I can't wait for them to figure their budget out, so I'll pretty much have to accept a job somewhere else. I will be terribly sad to move away from my sister...I just realized that once I move, we'll probably never live together again now that we both have boyfriends. That's tragically sad to me because my sister and I have always been extremely close. Apart from the 2 years I was in grad school without her, we've lived together our whole lives. I don't ever want to stop being close to her, but living apart will definitely change that...ahh, this is too much to think about right now. I probably won't even be offered the job on the coast.

In other news, I've also been gaining weight like it's my job. I weigh more than I ever have in my entire life. I even weigh 25 pounds more than N, my bf who is 8 inches taller than me! Even more shocking, I only weigh 20 pounds less than his grandfather, who is 6'3! Wtf, that is so wrong and should not be happening. I just tearfully looked at my gargantuan form in the bathroom mirror. A fun side effect of gaining a lot of weight are angry, red stretch marks. New ones seem to form across my stomach every day. They're so horrible and ugly that I can't stand it! Nothing can fade stretch marks except time (I pitifully rubbed on some scar cream just now...just in case). I just shudder at the view N gets of me when we're being "intimate"...ugh, what a horrible sight. A big, gelatinous body covered in bright red marks. Sexy. NOT. I wouldn't mind a few stretch marks, but I have a ton. It's disturbing! Maybe I should, I don't know, STOP GAINING WEIGHT. I'm starting to get really depressed about it. I know N loves the way I look (and he's even commented he wouldn't mind me getting even bigger, wtf is wrong with him), but I do not. I don't like looking or feeling like this.
Oh well, whatever. Guess I better get some rest. Tomorrow is a big day!

8:09 p.m. - Wednesday, May. 28, 2014


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