2024 is already the worst year imaginable.
I tested positive for Covid last week and missed the first week of school after the Christmas break. While I have recovered from that, I’ve also had a lingering ear infection, so I haven’t been able to hear out of my right ear for over 2 weeks. I went to the minute clinic twice and when that didn’t work, I went to a real doctor yesterday and got some expensive ass ear drops ($75), so they better cure this infection ASAP.
But what has made 2024 the worst year for years to come, is that Nick’s brother Luca (I previously referred to him as “L”) passed away on Sunday, 1/14. He was only 30 years old.
We found out from a text from Nick’s grandfather (who Luca lived with) while we were out and about. We’d had a nice day of brewery hopping and were about to get lunch from our favorite food truck. It had been a good day. Little did we know that life as we knew it was about to completely and irrevocably change.
The message was to both of us. Nick had gone to the bathroom and I had just settled into a table when I saw Nick’s grandfather had sent a message. I opened it and read, “Hey, Nick i am very sorry to have to tell you but, Luca has died. All the EMTs are here. Your mom is on the way.”
My brain could not comprehend the message and I felt like my soul left my body. I immediately started breathing heavily and then Nick came back from the bathroom, smiling and happy.
I told him we needed to go to the car and he knew something was wrong (he thought it was about Ms. Cindy, my mom’s bff who is 74 and in poor health). We got outside and, with dread, I told him not to look at his phone, which of course, he did. He read the message and walked away, in a daze. He, too, could not comprehend the words.
We read the message just after 3:40 pm. We found a secluded sitting area off to the side outside and we stood there for an hour, crying off and on and both not believing it. It was a cold, clear, windy day. I just looked at the trees and the sky, not knowing how there could be a world without Luca in it.
Our first thought was that he died by suicide. That was the only place our minds could go considering his recent history. Our minds went wild with what happened. Had there been an incident? Where was he found? How was he leading up to this? What happened?
After standing in a daze for an hour, we eventually remembered we needed to eat lunch, so I went and placed our order at the food truck. We ate silently in the car.
Instead of heading right home, I wanted something to do so we headed to these nearby shopping outlets where I needed to make a return and pick up my wedding band, which had been repaired (a diamond had fallen out). While I went to my stores, Nick just walked aimlessly around the outlet and then went to the car.
While he was in the car, Nick’s stepdad called. His mom couldn’t initially speak but she was on the phone by the time I got back to the car. She was distraught, naturally. She said that when Luca’s body was removed from the lake house, his stepdad had noted that he looked “just as handsome as ever.”
Later that night, we spoke to Nick’s grandparents, and they shared more details. Luca typically slept late but when he didn’t get up at a reasonable time, they called and texted him with no response. The grandfather went to check on him in his room at 2:00 pm and found him. He said he was on the floor on his back and his eyes were closed. His left hand was on his heart and he didn’t look to be in pain. He was extremely cold to the touch. He said he fell onto him and just grabbed him because he just knew he was gone. He remarked more than once about how cold Luca was to the touch which is so morbid to think about. It also made me wonder how long he had been dead to be so cold already.
Nick’s grandfather had last seen Luca earlier that morning, just after midnight. The grandfather had still been awake, when Luca passed through going to the bathroom. He said it was like any other night and Luca said ‘hello’ and ‘night’. So he died sometime after midnight and well before 2 pm Sunday, 1/14.
Once they made the call that there had been a death, EMTs, the sheriff, the coroner, and a bunch of people descended upon the house to investigate the death as 30 year olds don’t typically die. The grandparents were barred from going back to Luca’s room and they had to sign waivers and warrants for Luca’s room and areas outside to be searched. The grandparents were also interviewed, where they divulged everything Luca has struggled with these last few years.
There was no obvious or clear cause of death, which gives us hope that maybe it wasn’t suicide. He hadn’t hung himself or slit his wrists or anything like that. No note was found. However, the autopsy and toxicology results will take up to 60 days to come back, so who knows if drugs were involved. The grandfather’s description of Luca at midnight doesn’t sound like was hopped up on drugs (his preference was for stimulants). But maybe he took the drugs after the grandfather had gone to bed? And maybe the drugs were laced with something…it seems everything has fentanyl in it these days. But I feel like the EMTs or coroner might have been able to recognize signs of an overdose, surely? Idk.
Luca has always been healthy and fit. When I met him, he was a skinny 18 year old trying to bulk up by eating tons of boneless skinless chicken breast (which he meticulously weighed on a food scale) and brown rice. He played numerous sports in high school, such as football, wrestling, soccer, etc. He was very athletic. As he got older and became a man, he loved lifting weights. He developed almost a bodybuilder’s physique, with big strong shoulders and arms, a small waist, etc.
He always wanted to do an active job as he definitely was not the desk job type. He also wanted to be of service and help people. He was a kind, calm person who put people at ease. His health problems began when training to become a fire fighter. Luca was historically a heavy drinker, which is something you can’t maintain while in the fire academy. The dehydrating effects of alcohol combined with extremely intense training landed him in the hospital twice due to extremely low sodium levels. He even had a seizure and was in a coma briefly. The last time he was in the hospital a couple of years ago, he failed to complete the full treatment. His family begged him to stay in the hospital and even his fire captain told him that if he did not complete treatment, then he would be out of the fire academy (and at this point, he was mere weeks away from graduating). Even with his career on the line, Luca chose to not complete treatment. He literally pulled IVs out of his arm and ran from the hospital. Of course, low sodium levels can cause irrational thinking, so that may have played a part. But either way, he did not complete treatment, which led to kidney damage and a diagnosis of rhabdomyolysis.
After the dream of becoming a firefighter was officially over, Luca’s serious mental health and drug problems started. He began doing cocaine and abusing his Adderall medication, which those
combined can cause heart attack, seizures, or death. He started to have hallucinations and delusions that landed him in the hospital several times, but unfortunately he never received the help he needed because this stupid country requires you to have a job in order to have health insurance. He was even arrested a few months back due to repeatedly calling 911 due to his hallucinations and delusions. He also was suicidal and came close to attempting many times.
I mention all of that to say that the kidney damage and the toll that the Adderall and cocaine abuse took on his body may have been too much and maybe that’s what resulted in his death. Idk. Maybe it was natural causes due to all of that. For all of our sake, I’m hoping it was natural causes and not his choice. Him choosing to leave us will be much harder to accept.
Luca had so much potential and was such a sweet, good guy at his core. He was loved by so many. It’s so tough to realize that we’ll never get to see him on the other side of his lowest point. He was so hard on himself and hated that he was 30 years old, no career, no car, no girlfriend, no place of his own. I think he felt like a failure in many ways. It’s hard to realize that he’ll never find success in a career, get married, own a home, have his own family. He was so completely deserving of all of those things and I’m just so sad that he never got to experience them.
Luca wasn’t my brother by blood but he was in every sense of the word. I loved and cared for him deeply. I worried about him and wanted nothing but the best for him. I’ve lost several people in my life but this is hitting me harder than any of them because I’m not a young unknowing child as I was with the deaths of my dad and grandmother, or a young adult who long expected the death of my grandfather. I’m an adult who has known Luca since he was 18 and I’ve been a part of the ups and downs of his life.
As much as I have pain in my heart for the loss of Luca, I have even more for Nick. Luca was his only full blooded sibling and was closest in age to him. Nick cared for Luca deeply and was often the one who could reach him when others couldn’t. Moving forward without him is going to be an extremely slow, long, and painful journey for Nick.
Nick just got home with a new shirt to wear for Luca’s funeral. My heart is ripped into a thousand pieces imagining Nick going through the racks of shirts to find one to wear for the final send off to his brother’s short life. This hurts so much.
We’re leaving town tomorrow. Nick’s family (and my family) both live in the same town, so we’re going down to be with everyone. I know I won’t be able to contain my emotions when I see their mother and younger sister for the first time since learning the news.
Sigh, I’m emotionally exhausted.
Rest in peace, Luca. We love you, buddy.
1:36 p.m. - Tuesday, Jan. 16, 2024