One quick thing before I leave work and the weekend starts.
My mom's best friend's daughter, E, is pregnant with her first baby! She's due at the end of July. You may remember me talking about E as the friend who always had to one-up me and prove she was better than me. That hasn't been the case in many years because we both are 34-year-old grown married women lol. We don't have time for that. We actually rarely see each other anymore and I'm much closer to her 73-year-old mother, the one I went to the k-pop concert with, than her.
Anyways, we weren't sure if E and her husband would even have kids. She and her husband were already a little older when they got married in October 2021 and we hadn't heard anything about them planning a family, but her mom recently told us the news about the pregnancy. I texted E and congratulated her.
She just texted me a few days ago to say that the baby is a girl. I asked if she was so excited and she literally responded, "ehh". I was like what??? Apparently, she really wanted a boy and she told me that girls have too many big feelings and that she isn't good with feelings. I pointed out that she doesn't yet know what personality her little girl will have. My husband is male but he's way more emotional and dramatic than me lol. She also said the whole thing is weird for her because she doesn't feel maternal. She said she wasn't fully on board with having kids but her husband wanted them, so they agreed to give it 6 months but if nothing happened, that was it. She wasn't willing to do IVF or anything like that. Obviously, she did end up getting pregnant!
Her confiding in me in those few text messages was the most personal she's gotten with me in a long time. This is definitely a new and scary adventure for her, but she'll be fine. I told her how I'll never get to experience that adventure as Nick doesn't want kids and she said, "yeah, that does suck for you."
I can't help but feel a pang of sadness each time I hear that yet someone else I know is pregnant for the first time and gets to have a family. I really didn't know I wouldn't be one of those people. I still don't want a baby or anything right now as my health needs too much improvement at the moment, but I just thought, you know...one day. I randomly saw some video on Instagram of a squirrel giving birth to little squirrel babies and bitterly thought that even that squirrel gets to be a mom and I don't. E also has been the type that I never envisioned being a mother - she has a difficult personality and her emotions can be quite volatile. My mom, when alone with me, literally said she felt sorry for the baby having E for a mother. Even I thought that was a very harsh thing to say! But I do agree that she's never presented as the warm, nurturing type, unlike my sister Amber, who has been a baby whisperer since she was a teenager. It just hurts that even people who might not be as loving and nurturing as I might be are getting the opportunity to be parents but I don't.
Sigh, I know this is all stuff I've said before, but it's still on my mind. It does kind of make me sad that I'll never get to experience being pregnant or anything like that.
Okay, enough whining, it's time to go home and start my weekend! I'm sure I'll be pretty glad not to have kids as I sit on my ass watching whatever I want on the tv uninterrupted this evening LOL.
3:35 p.m. - Friday, Jan. 27, 2023