I have meant to write so many times and just never found the time to do it, so just a few updates...
I went to my primary care doctor at the end of October to ask for a prescription for semaglutide, a medication that is typically for people with Type 2 diabetes but has been FDA approved for weight loss. Of course, upon my initial request, my doctor was like, track your diet and exercise for a month and then we'll consider it. It was very hard not to roll my eyes at that because I've been overweight since I was THIRTEEN, so a MONTH of diet and exercise logging is not going to change my situation! Sure, those are great habits, but my situation is beyond that and I need medical help. I could tell by her tone that she really didn't expect me to come back in a month, which she literally said to me when my fat ass came strolling back into her office a month later. She said out of all the people she's asked to come back in a month, maybe only 3 have. She took a quick flip through my food log and I noted I still have improvements to make in both diet and exercise, and then she agreed to prescribe weight loss medication. She was going to give me some medication I had never heard of but I asked for semaglutide specifically since I've been reading about it for a while now and know the most about it. Luckily, she agreed to write a prescription for it. I warned her that she has to prescribe it under the brand name Wegovy and not the brand name Ozempic as Wegovy is branded for weight loss whereas Ozempic is branded for type 2 diabetes. This branding thing is nonsense because they're the same damn medicine - semaglutide!!!!
Well, did she put the medication in as Wegovy? No, she put it in as Ozempic! Cue my insurance immediately denying it and sending me a letter saying I can't have it because I don't have type 2 diabetes. No shit. So I had to call the doctor's office back to have the doctor re-submit it under Wegovy and what's that? My doctor is off on maternity leave! She's GONE, mere days after I saw her. So, I had to ask (beg) if another doctor could PLEASE re-submit the prescription under the correct name of Wegovy, which luckily another doctor at the practice did. I got a notification from the pharmacy saying the prescription was delayed because it was out of stock, but that wasn't surprising as I was already aware that there is currently a shortage of this medication, but I'm prepared to be patient. A few days go by and I click on the status link from the pharmacy again, just to see, and the prescription is gone from the system! UGHHH so I call the pharmacy and they're like, "we have no record of that prescription for you." WTF, why would that happen? The pharmacy said that prescriptions can sometimes get deleted when they're out of stock. Well, real bloody convenient! So, the pharmacy had to re-submit the request for the medication to the doctor's office to have it re-prescribed by a doctor and remember, mine is gone on maternity leave. What an effing nightmare. I got another notification from the pharmacy saying they've received the new prescription but that it's out of stock, the same as before. Time will tell if this prescription will disappear as well.
The next hurdle will be my insurance approving it now that it has been prescribed under the correct brand name. I will be really discouraged if it's denied again. Like WHO the hell is this medicine for, if not for me? I'm 34, I have high blood pressure, and my BMI is 50!!!! Yes, 50! Not an exaggeration, it's literally 50. And OH YEAH, my father died at age 35 from weight-related health issues! I need HELP!
I had really gotten excited at the thought of trying this medicine and actually experiencing meaningful weight loss. The last time I lost any amount of weight was 4 years ago in preparation for my 30th birthday and our trip to Thailand and even then, I only lost 10 lbs. It took eating very little to lose those 10 lbs., and as you can see, I have regained those 10 lbs., plus added many more! I say this every entry it seems, but I'm at my highest weight ever at 272.9. I'm closer to 300 lbs. than 200 lbs. That's SCARY.
I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but I had actually asked my previous primary care doctor back home (my mom's primary doctor) for semaglutide and she gave me an Ozempic sample instead of a prescription. This medication is a once-weekly injection and you increase your dosage every 4 weeks. Well, the first month's dose must have been just too low because I didn't really notice any change, but when I increased to the next dose in the second month, I definitely noticed a difference. I didn't have food cravings and felt "full" (probably from all the gas and bloating it causes). Whenever I did eat, I didn't eat as much and I also did not crave or have much interest in wine, which is huge! I did sometimes feel slightly queasy, but it wasn't unbearable. Since all I had was a sample, I couldn't continue after the 2nd month, which is why I sought out my own doctor for an actual prescription.
I'm just afraid the medication will get denied again and then what? I just don't believe I'll be able to lose any significant amount of weight on my own and I NEED to lose a significant amount of weight. My "goal" weight for right now is to simply be under 200 lbs., even if it's just 199 lbs., which is a whopping 72 lbs. away. Losing that amount of weight isn't easy! And I know I'm not perfect - my diet definitely needs improvement and exercise is still nonexistent, so there is a lot to work on. I'm not looking for this medicine to be a magic "pill" that will make me "skinny" while I continue eating like a pig and sitting on my ass. I understand it is a TOOL that can help get me started on a weight loss journey and a path toward a healthier life.
I'm just worried I'm on a decline like my dad. My mom says I'm nothing like my dad was in terms of eating. From the sound of it, he truly had a binge eating disorder or something. I've had my binge moments, but nothing like his. When they got married, he was 25 years old and gained 100 lbs. in their first year of marriage. Becoming a sedentary truck driver who drank liters of Coke to stay awake definitely packed on the pounds. I definitely gained weight once Nick moved in with me. I'm not blaming it on him by any means, but my eating changed having a man in the house and I definitely started drinking wine more often. In the 9 years we've been together, I've gained 60 lbs.! Nick has gone through periods of being heavier (his heaviest was 250 many years ago), but he's always quickly and easily able to change course and drop weight when he sets his mind to it. It also helps that he's always had physically demanding jobs whereas I sit on my ass at a desk all day.
I just look at current pictures of us and feel that he still looks really great whereas I've just gotten fatter each year. He's tall, dark, handsome, and while not skinny, he's definitely not fat at all. He's NORMAL. I almost feel like we don't match in terms of attractiveness as he's maintained his looks whereas I seem to have just let myself go. In the last few months, I have been DoorDashing fast food way too often and drinking too much wine. In recent pictures of me, my eyes look like slits in a big round, smiling face. I have a double chin that's getting out of control and is starting to look like all the aunts in my family - a big bullfrog neck.
Then I think of Nick's parents, who are the healthiest and fittest of all! His mother is slim and has exercised every day of her life. She's 54 years old but could pass for much younger. Nick's dad has been a health and exercise nut his whole life and is even more so now that he's 55 and retired. All he does is eat salmon, walk a gazillion miles a day, and ride his bike. Nick's stepmom is holding her own as well. She may be 70, but she can easily outwalk and out bike me. I don't even think I can ride a bike with how big and fat I am!
Everyone is maintaining their health or becoming healthier and I feel like I'm getting worse and worse. I have no one but myself to blame and know I could do better, but I know even if I do better, I won't drop 72 lbs.
I really hope this medication gets approved so I can have hope that maybe, finally, I can lose weight and become a better, healthier version of myself. I don't want to look ugly in pictures. I don't want to be on blood pressure pills. I don't want to develop type 2 diabetes, like the rest of my family. I don't want to have a BMI of 50. I don't want to die at 35 like my dad.
2:38 p.m. - Tuesday, Dec. 20, 2022