Massive Rambling!

Ok, so here are things that are going on currently:

-I drive a 2017 white Toyota Corolla that I named Fiona (bought new in 2017). This is the first car I've financed and not leased (I wasted 7 years and thousands of dollars doing that). It has about 36,000 miles on it and I want to drive it until it blows up. I'm very much looking forward to having an extra $320/month when this thing is paid off in 2023. My older sister Angel still drives a 2001 Saturn and it has 160,000 miles on it. It doesn't have AC and isn't able to go on the interstate anymore, but just think about how long she's been without a car payment. Jealous!

-I currently work at a high school and it's my 4th year here. I absolutely love working at the high school level, and definitely didn't think I would when I was first assigned here. I have the best office I will ever have in this career and it's probably better than most psychologist's offices. When I took over this office from the previous psych, one of the walls was painted a horrible dark yellow color (the other 3 walls are gray). I asked the maintenance man at the time if it was at all possible for the yellow wall to be painted any other appealing color. A few days later, I swung by to get something and the maintenance man was preparing to paint. I saw the color he had picked out and it was BEAUTIFUL! I am a true lover of the ocean and tropical locales and this man had picked the most perfect turquoise color for my wall. The color was called Prince Edward Isle. The colors for my wedding were turquoise and hot pink, so I brought several leftover decorations to my office and they match perfectly. My office is so customized and cozy that it really feels like a home away from home. I truly don't mind being here day in and day out. I've had other offices that were complete holes or I didn't even have an office at all at some schools! I just had to work out of empty classrooms or conference rooms. I had one "office" in a school that was built in the 1950s that smelled and was positioned between the girls', boys', and teachers' bathrooms, so I heard flushing toilets all day. I'm not sure what the room had originally been used for. Storage, probably. So no, I am never leaving this office or this school. I probably won't either because a lot of psychs don't like the high school level and prefer the elementary level. I find things way more interesting at the high school level...students are involved with law enforcement at times, gangs, etc. It's all just way more interesting than "Johnny can't read."

-I just upgraded my iPhone X to an iPhone 12. I used to upgrade my phone every year (just like my dang cars every 3 years), but I have become much more money conscious lately and would rather save money than have the lastest thing. I had the X for 3 years, though. That's the longest I've ever had one phone. I mainly bought the 12 because it has double the storage and a better camera. I've already taken so many good pics of my new kitty, Ollie! The pics are so detailed that you can see every strand of his fur almost. Worth it! Since I had some savings built up, I went ahead and paid the phone off ($640). I didn't want the payments to drag out for 2 years and make our monthly payment go up. It feels good to have enough savings to buy some things I want. I only have savings thanks to the Cares Act, which deferred student loan payments back in March due to Covid-19. I haven't paid a student loan payment since February. Instead, I've been sending that same student loan payment amount to my savings account. Paying myself instead! I could have just let that amount pile up in my checking account, but I wanted it moved out so it wouldn't get spent. I'm used to that amount being gone anyway.

-I currently love Garnier Fructis Aloe Clean shampoo + conditioner. I love its clean smell. I use a variety of hair products, but my favorite is probably the John Frieda Air Dry Waves foam. It doesn't make my hair crunchy as mousse does.

-I have been using Olay Regenerist Micro sculpting Cream SPF 30 for years now. I actually just ran out this morning and need to buy more. For face makeup, I've been using a lot of NARS tinted moisturizer. I'm almost out of that too. I have a lot of extra makeup in a huge bag that I need to use up. My favorite mascara is probably Maybelline's Lash Sensational (pink tube). As far as expensive brands, I like Urban Decay's Lash Perversion and Benefit's "Yes They're Real!". I have worn Dolce & Gabbana's Light Blue perfume for probably over 10 years now. I first became aware of it back when my manager at the UPS Store, Chrystal, wore it. She always got so many compliments, so I started wearing it. It's been my signature ever since! I've tried to switch perfumes, but all of the other ones instantly give me migraines. For my eyebrows, I use a variety of Anastasia of Beverly Hills products. I have their brow pencil, brow wiz, brow powder, and brow pomade. Daily, I've been using the pencil. I just bought this plum face oil that Chrissy Teigen swears by, so we will see if that works. I use a lot of Paula's Choice face products, such as toners and exfoliators. I use Differen gel to treat acne. Yes, I still deal with acne from time to time, especially around that time of the month. I've actually become self-conscious of various scars on my face lately. I have several pretty deep ones from having chickenpox as a kid. There are also a few acne scars. I've considered maybe going to a dermatologist to see if there's anything they could do about the scars...I'm sure they'll recommend expensive laser treatment or something. That's probably it, beauty-wise...

-In terms of clothes, I hate shopping. Always have, always will. It's hard to find things that fit right, being plus-sized! I do like Torrid, though, and I usually have success there. All of my pants come exclusively from them. I'm currently still a size 24, which is the biggest I've ever been. I was a 22 for a long time before quarantine bumped me up. I mostly order stuff online and try it on at home.

-My mom is 68 and about to be 69 next month. I can't believe she will be 70 next year! That just sounds...old. My grandmother died at 72. I just don't want my mom to die any time soon! I really, truly, don't know what I will do when that day comes. It will be the worst day of my life. Now and then when I realize that is yet to come and that each passing day we get closer and closer to it, I have overwhelming sadness. I am very close to my mom even though I live 80 miles away. Me, her, and Amber literally text every single day. I do sometimes feel like I'm missing out on spending time with her and she's only getting older. Amber and her walk together at a nearby river a few times a week and I would like to be with them, too. Since I don't see her as often, I feel like I can tell each time I see her that she looks older. In the last year, she's lost a good bit of weight for her health and looks great, but it did make her hands noticeably skinnier and older looking. She dyes her hair blonde, but the roots have turned white and if she pulls her hair back into a ponytail (which she often does when we go walking ), it looks as if her hair is completely white, and that definitely ages her. I just don't like to see any sign of her looking older, knowing she is about to enter her 70s. Will she be here in 10 years? I sure hope so. I hope she lives to 100+. Amber and I didn't get to have a dad in this life, so that means our mom has to live twice as long to make up for it. Nick's grandparents are both 75 this year. His grandfather survived prostate cancer just a few years back. Nick hasn't experienced a death in the family in a long time (he has only lost his great grandparents so far) and I know that will be devastating to him and me as well. They are my family now, too. I just don't like death in general. Why do people have to go?

-My mom's best friend Cindy IS 70 and is about to be 71. She's had bad health for many, many years, and even recently had a heart catheterization to try and get her heart out of its irregular beating (atrial fibrillation). Cindy is like a second parent to me, truly. Her and my mom met back in the early 80s at work and they've been best friends since. They bonded over essentially being single moms even though they both had husbands. My dad eventually died and Cindy got divorced, so they both have been single a long time and have never dated or remarried. They raised us kids (5 girls - Cindy has 2, my mom has 3) together. My mom does have a biological brother, but she's had nothing to do with him for 40 years. Cindy is her sister, pretty much. I do still have 2 living paternal aunts, but I'm not as close to them (one not at all) as Cindy. Cindy has always been a funny, fun person to have around. She can make any situation comical and fun. This year has been tough because we haven't been able to see her at all due to Covid-19. With her age and her very high-risk health conditions, it's just not been possible. She still talks on the phone with my mom daily. I get a call or text from her once in a while. She's still our family. I hope she comes out of this pandemic alright. She's definitely been careful and basically hasn't gone anywhere other than her oldest daughter's house to visit her grandkids and everyone wore masks around her the entire time. I know it's been tough on her too, just stuck in her house all the time, but she would definitely rather be alive in her house than dead.

-I don't really have friends. My "best friend", Brandy, moved to Oregon a few months ago. She will always be someone I love and consider a best friend, but we definitely aren't as close as we've been in the past. We don't text or call regularly or anything. She's busy raising her 2 little girls and starting a new life in Oregon, on the other side of the country. I have plenty of work colleagues that I like and get along with, but we aren't "friends". Well, there is one psych, Laura, that I occasionally text with, but we've never hung out outside of work.

-The only people that aren't family that message me are 2 guy friends, one I dated (but never slept with) and one I slept with (but never dated). One guy is actually Brandy's cousin, Nic. We had a very brief fling back in 2012, so a long time ago. He still sends me funny memes and we chat once in a while, but no in-depth conversations or anything like that. He keeps it pretty light and surface. The other guy, Dane, I dated back in 2013, I believe. This was right before Nick and I became a couple. After Nick stopped talking to me for 2 months, I got pissed and decided good riddance to him, so I made an OkCupid account and that's how I met Dane. We went on a few dates (dinner at Chilis, the movies, drinks at a lounge, drinks at a wing place, and he came over to my apartment to watch a movie), but never did sleep together. He also sends me memes and various articles. He's very smart, so we do have some discussions about deep stuff. Just the other day, we were texting back and forth about space, time, and consciousness. He's into that stuff like me, so it's fun to talk about. Other than Nic and Dane, I don't have friends that reach out and talk to me. I don't have friends that I hang out with or anything. My two best friends are my mom and sister, and that's ok with me. :)

-That's all I can think of for the time being. I will try to update more often so I can look back and remember my life as it was exactly as it was happening! I hope this site never shuts down, for real.

1:02 p.m. - Friday, Nov. 13, 2020


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