happyone's Diaryland Diary


The Difference

Oops, my wedding is in 8 days and I did not lose weight like I had planned. I will be a 235 lb bride. I'm so embarrassed! Being a little overweight is no big deal (most people probably are), but I am significantly overweight and it's just obvious. I stand out from the crowd as being an obviously heavier person. It makes me so ashamed. There's tricks for making your body look slimmer in clothes, sure, but I can't hide my big moon pie face! Anyone can take one look at my chipmunk cheeks and see that I'm uncomfortably overweight. I'm so embarrassed that my wedding dress is a size 22. I hope my future kids aren't embarrassed and ashamed of me one day. I hope they don't wonder why I couldn't lose weight.

I work with an amazing group of girls that I get along with incredibly well. Even so, I can't help but think that I'd fit in even better if I were a normal size or thin like most of them are. They accept me and say I'm beautiful, but in group settings with them, I will speak and literally no one will respond as if they didn't hear me. Or, if we're all walking together somewhere, somehow I'll get left behind. I guarantee none of it is intentional-maybe they didn't hear me, or maybe they just walk fast. I'm just never the focus of any one person's attention, so I feel like I get left behind or easily forgotten about or passed over in group situations. I believe that wouldn't happen if I were thin. I have a fun personality just as much if not more than any of those girls, but they are the ones put on pedestals and called princesses because of how pretty (yes, and thin) they are.

Of course, being thin and pretty is not the be all end all in this day and age. It's more important to be smart, kind, loving, generous, etc. I try to be all those things. I just bet I would receive different treatment from the world if I were smaller. I'm not treated horribly or anything at all...but I just know there still would be a difference.

12:29 a.m. - Saturday, Apr. 01, 2017


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