happyone's Diaryland Diary


Only 24 Hours

Damn, I just reread my last entry and I can be so doom and gloom. I'm happy to report that porn has not been a problem as of late. In fact, things have been going really well between us, no fights or anything. I know in my last entry I came across so negative towards Nick. I truly love him and realize how lucky I am to have him. Not everyone is as lucky as me! My younger sister (younger by only 2.5 years) has told me the struggles she has with her boyfriend of 3 years, and they sound like much bigger struggles than what Nick and I experience. For example, her boyfriend is often extremely passive, expressing little to no emotion about anything and his facial expression is usually blank. She has to constantly remind him to communicate with her and show her affection. I guess every couple has their thing they have to work on, but I'm thankful I don't have to tell Nick to hug me or give me a kiss. Nick is still extremely affectionate and I LOVE it. I also feel like no matter what arguments Nick and I get into, we know we are sticking together. My sister often has doubts if her boyfriend is truly the one, and she often asks us our opinion of him after she's buzzed off of a few drinks. It really makes me sad, honestly, because I feel so incredibly blessed to have Nick. He truly loves me and cares about me, and he thinks I'm beautiful no matter what. I've gained and lost weight since reconnecting with Nick and not once has he ever said anything negative about the way I look. Even when I neared 250 lbs and had new, angry red stretch marks every day, he told me I looked beautiful. He even helped me apply stretch mark cream once LOLLL! My sis said her boyfriend just revealed that he almost broke up with her because she gained weight in recent years. What an asshole! If you're going to be with someone forever, you're going to see them fat, skinny, young, old, etc! My sister is such a wonderful person that I just want the best for her! She shouldn't have to settle or be unhappy.

--ANYWAYS--The point of this entry was to update on a couple of very exciting things that happened last week. So, I had two big life events happen within 24 hours of each other.

The first is that Nick and I closed on our first house, so we are officially homeowners! We now own a precious 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 car garage house with a fenced in back yard! It's soo cute! We officially became the owners last Wednesday, July 13th, and now it is being completely repainted on the inside. The previous owner had some interesting color choices (dark blue in living room, golden yellow color in kitchen, etc.), so that immediately had to go. The whole house (living room, kitchen, bedrooms, bathrooms) is being painted in a very light, neutral gray color. The ceilings and trim are also being freshly painted white. It's really going to make a difference! The house had no refrigerator, so my mom gifted us with a beautiful stainless steel fridge as a housewarming gift. Since we had such a nice, new fridge, we couldn't just keep the ugly old oven and dishwasher, so we also bought a new stainless steel smooth top oven and stainless steel dishwasher so it'll all match and be new and fresh! 14 year old appliances are yucky and creepy. :( We are also having the front door and shutters painted black (the vinyl siding is a light tan color) in order to cover up the hunter green color it has going on now.

We already have all the furniture and design pieces to complete it and make it a home. We move in this Saturday! I will say that I'll miss our apartment. How could I not? We've lived here for 3 years and it has truly become our home. I actually started having breathing problems shortly before we closed on the house, and I even went to the doctor, where I spent $100 and 3.5 hours trying to figure out why I was breathing shallowly and feeling like a weight was on my chest or that I was being buried alive and running out of air. All tests came back normal, so I can only reckon that it was my old friend, anxiety. Even though the house buying process went more smoothly than it possibly could have gone for us first timers, I guess I was still subconsciously nervous about it since it is a big change and a huge responsibility. I've never had anxiety manifest itself like that, which is why I didn't recognize it. I got a new prescription for Xanax (my old one had since long ran out), so that should help in times of anxiety. The doctor also wanted to do a CT scan of my chest just to rule out a blood clot in my lungs, but I decided not to have it done because once I took Xanax and we closed on the house, the breathing problems went away. Thanks, anxiety. I really have to say that the doctor's visit was a nightmare. I've been in doctor's offices plenty of times where you have to exercise patience and wait a while, etc., but this visit was excessive. 3.5 HOURS?? Many times I was left in a room by myself for 30+ minutes or more! I began feeling insane, like I wanted to tear the room up, jump out of the window, and burn the building down, just so I wouldn't be sitting there, agonizingly waiting!!!! It was maddening and I refuse to go to the doctor again unless something is truly wrong, like my arm is cut off. They just ran a bunch of tests and didn't know what was wrong in the end anyway. So yeah, buying a house can wreak havoc on your nerves, whether you realize it or not!

The second big life event that happened, less than 24 hours after buying a house, was that I found my wedding dress! My mom, sister, and I went to this wedding dress salon just to check it out since their website advertised that they had an extensive collection of plus-sized gowns, plus you didn't need an appointment! My first wedding dress shopping experience was less than ideal. My mom had made a spur of the moment appointment at a salon immediately after I got engaged just because she was excited. That particular salon had virtually no gowns in my size, so it was so depressing going through the racks with the consultant and hearing, 'Oh, that doesn't come in your size either, sorry'. It sucked.

This time around was totally different. We just walked into this salon that was so adorable on the inside, with lush carpets and sparkling chandeliers. The consultant who helped me couldn't be nicer and not once did I feel bad or ashamed of my size. There were plenty of dresses in my size, and the first one I tried on was this beautiful lace, beaded slim A-line gown by designer (!) Maggie Sottero. It has a corset back, so they cinched me in real good and I looked-shapely! Curvy! Beautiful! I tried on several more gowns, but the first one was it! It was sparkly without being obnoxious and lacy without being old and outdated. It's truly amazing and never would I have imagined that I would have a designer wedding dress! I've watched Say Yes to the Dress and I've Found the Gown for YEARS, and Maggie Sottero is a name I've heard many times. The dress was NOT cheap, but my mom handed over her credit card before I could even ask to split the cost with her.

My mom and sister have helped me out so much lately-from shopping for the house and helping me find my wedding dress-that I truly don't see how people without family get by. I am beyond blessed to have such close family!

I still get freaked out about how well things are going. I'm afraid that things will suddenly take a dramatic and negative turn.

But for now, life is great.

3:16 p.m. - Tuesday, Jul. 19, 2016


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