A Baby and a Wedding (in that order)

I am sitting here reading an article about this guy who lost 132 pounds as I eat chicharrones and drink a sangria mixer. I will never lose weight doing these things!

I got back from the beach last weekend, and wow, it was hard to leave that place! We stayed on the Gulf of Mexico for a week, where the water is a clear, sea glass green. They don't call it the Emerald Coast for nothing! Our condo was also amazing and nicely furnished. It was definitely the nicest place we've ever stayed for a vacation. For a week, all I did was get up, drink coffee and have a bagel, and then lay out in the sun drinking beer and cider all day until it was time to get ready to go out to dinner. I tanned up pretty well in a week's time. The week was definitely a free-for-all in terms of food and drink. You've gotta live it up while you're on vacation, right? Well, I weighed myself when we got back and the scale registered a 10 lb. weight gain. WTF OH NO!!! Luckily, a lot of that must have been temporary bloat because a few days later, I was only 2 lbs. up from where I had started, so that's not that bad. Since January, I've only gained 2 lbs., which is not that bad considering how fast I was putting on weight there for a while. While I'm delighted that I have only gained 2 lbs. since January, a friend of mine who is engaged and soon to be married has lost 40 lbs. since January. I really could be doing better, couldn't I? Sigh.

N was thrilled to have me back from the beach. He was so desperately lonely without me, the poor chap. I'm glad he seems to love me that much. A few weeks ago, I started the process of getting a home loan to buy a house since N and I are ready to get out of apartment life. The house would be only in my name because we aren't married, and I make more money and have better credit than he does. He doesn't have bad credit, he just has a lack of credit history. However, I got to thinking...why should I make this huge show of commitment of buying a freaking house when N hasn't even proposed to me? Why am I always the one who is responsible for everything? At the current moment, all the bills are in my name and come out of my bank account, and he and my sister pay me for their portions. So, I have to be in charge of paying all the bills AND have to buy us a house, all the while he keeps saying we'll get married "someday"?? How about NO? Maybe I don't want to buy a house if he can't yet show how committed he is to me by proposing. That tells me that our relationship still has the potential to go south and end (though the chance of that actually happening is minuscule), which would leave me left with a house I can't afford.

When I expressed those thoughts to him, he felt as if I were giving him an ultimatum of "propose or we don't get a house". That's not exactly what I'm saying...I'm just saying that if he's not ready to show his commitment to me by proposing, maybe I'm not ready to show my commitment by buying a house. Those things can both wait until we are "ready" (aka until he's ready to put a ring on it). It shouldn't always be me making the big shows of commitment. I let him move in with ME, after all! In actuality, his moving in was due to poor circumstances (his roommate kicked him out, leaving him with nowhere to go), so it's not like we decided as a couple to do that, but still! That put me in a hard situation, having to suddenly decide to let my boyfriend of only 1 month move in with my sister and me. Of course, N is upset by all of this because he desperately wants to move into a house. Even though we live in a nice apartment, he just prefers having a house with a yard, with no annoying people living so close by and making noise. I, however, thoroughly enjoy our apartment and don't mind staying here. It's got plenty of room, we have it decorated nicely, it's safe, and it's clean.

Anyways, I haven't been doing much this week because I'm back in the apartment with N, who is gone all day to work. Since I don't go back to work until July 28, I've just been sitting here at the apartment all day by myself with maybe one outing here or there. Yesterday, I binge-watched episodes of the Bachelorette. I never get to watch that show since N hates it, so I was finally able to get into it. It's still not my favorite show, but it was fun to mindlessly watch for a few hours. I kind of wish I could be at home with my family, going to the lake and cooking out, but I would feel bad about leaving N here by himself yet again when I was just gone for a week. Eh, it doesn't really matter because the week's almost over, and tomorrow after N gets off work, we're going back to see our families because we have a wedding to go to, our first as a couple.

One of my best friends got pregnant, so she and her boyfriend quickly threw together a wedding. Despite the baby, I don't think this is a shotgun wedding because they have been living together for a while now, long before the baby came along. They truly do seem to love each other, too. My bff claims that her boyfriend proposed to her "like 5 times before," but I guess the realization that she's pregnant encouraged her to finally say yes. Her and her boyfriend have only been together about a year and look, they live together, are having a baby, and getting married. Every time I mention us getting married, N says things like, "we've only been together 2 years," as if we need more time to figure out if we're a match or if this is the right thing. We've been friends for 5 years and dating/living together for almost 2! We know each other extremely well, even all the TMI stuff. So, I'm not sure what he's waiting for, although he did say he wants to wait until he's "making more money" and can help pay for a wedding. Since I don't see his job changing any time soon, I don't see how he's going to suddenly make more money. Second of all, we're not the type to have a $20,000 wedding. I want the most inexpensive, laid back wedding. I've even suggested using his grandparents' lake house as the venue, but I don't think it'd be big enough for the number of people we'd want to invite. Just with immediate families, the guest list is already around 50+. Guess I shouldn't worry about it for now since it's not happening any time soon, but that hasn't stopped me from making a few Pinterest wedding boards. After pinning to them for a bit, I always feel like I'm going to jinx the chance of a wedding actually happening by planning it before I'm even engaged, so I usually end up deleting the boards. Oh well, it's not like I put that much time into them.

Well, N should be home soon, so time to wrap this up. I still haven't finished my first glass of Sangria, so I better get a move on it!

2:58 p.m. - Thursday, Jul. 09, 2015


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