Same Old Story

I am currently typing this entry on my new, ultra tiny and highly expensive $1300 Macbook. Why I felt the need to spend such money on a laptop when I'm not even in school anymore and I really don't even get on the internet that much anymore, I don't know. I like new things. I do have somewhat good reasons for buying a new laptop...my mom's laptop (which is actually an old 2009 Macbook of mine) is about to bite the dust, so I'm giving her my old 2010 Macbook (yes, I bought a new Macbook just a year after buying my first Macbook). My 2010 Macbook still works perfectly fine, so I'm going to give it to her and voila, the reason why I purchased this new beaut. Did I really need to spend that much money on a laptop? No, but I am spoiled. Hey, I've gotta live while I can before student loan debt takes over, right?

In other news, I have been in a really annoyed mood with N for several days, but today it seems to have passed. I don't know, but sometimes I get so annoyed with him that I wonder if I even like him. Of course I must, right? If I didn't, I would have gotten rid of him by now, surely? Is it possible to love someone yet not like them sometimes? What sparked my dislike is just general guy behavior-burping, farting, video games, porn, etc. Just general grossness. Why do guys think it's ok to just let one rip as loud as possible around their girlfriends? Oh, because they're so comfortable? That's nice and all when people feel comfortable around each other, but is there such thing as too much comfort?

In the pre-dating days of N and I, I always made sure my makeup and clothing was just right whenever I was around him. I even wore coordinating bras and panties, just in case. Uh, you should see me now since we'e been together for a year and a half. Not only have I gained a significant amount of weight since we started dating and moved in, but nowadays he rarely sees me in actual clothes. Once we both come home from long work days, all we want to do is be in pajamas. Sometimes I still do touch up my makeup before he gets home, but that's not a consistent thing. I understand that a level of comfort comes with being together for a while, but shouldn't there remain some air of mystery or intrigue? Eh, what do I know.

What else is new? The school year is winding to a close, which means I have a lot on my plate. Luckily, my OCD-like organizational skills come in quite handy with this career, so I'm managing well enough. As of today, I have psychologically evaluated 42 students. Not too bad of a case load. Some psychologists in other districts do 70+ evaluations!! Some days I feel like I do my job well, but today was not one of those days. Today at lunch, several psychologists with much more experience than me were "talking shop," so I just felt so inferior to them. They just sounded like they know so much and are so well trained, but I don't feel like that, even though I just graduated from graduate school only a year ago, so I should know what I'm doing.

I guess not much else is going on. Starting June 19, I get six weeks off from work. It's going to be glorious! I can't wait! Of course, I have lofty goals of losing significant amounts of weight and becoming fit, but I doubt that'll happen. I'll still try, I reckon. I'm going to join some kind of gym around here and make myself go. Right now, I don't exercise and I essentially have a desk job. Lack of exercise + desk job = I get winded just WALKING distances. That is so sad, walking should be easy! I should be more concerned considering obesity runs in my family and my own father died from it at age 35. Sometimes I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I can see him...big, unhealthy, headed for death. It's not good and I should really take my health more seriously and do something about it. I wish I was one of those people who was disciplined enough to go the opposite direction of my family's shortcomings...since my family struggles with obesity, I wish I was one of those people who rejected and resisted obesity wholeheartedly by exercising constantly and eating healthy. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. I'm a true member of my family, obesity, heart burn, and all! :( I'm not sure how to change that bit.

Alcohol doesn't help. I still fully enjoy alcohol, but why does it have to be so FATTENING? Liquids should have zero calories!! It's so unfair. If alcohol was zero calories like water, I might be alright. I've tried stopping drinking, but that just doesn't work. I'm surrounded by people who enjoy drinking and include it in their daily lives. I should just be disciplined enough to say, no, I'm off alcohol for now, but that just doesn't work. Sigh. I don't know what to do. Well, that's a big lie. I know what to do, I just don't do it.

Same old story pretty much, eh?

5:30 p.m. - Friday, Apr. 17, 2015


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