No Time to Self

I miss writing. I feel like I don't even know what I think or feel about things anymore since I don't get a chance to write anymore. Writing used to help me process through a lot of things, but now I don't really have that outlet anymore. I guess I still could have that outlet if I wanted to, but having a boyfriend takes up a lot of time. I can't even imagine how people with kids function. I totally understand why mothers get ambushed on Kathie Lee and Hoda for makeovers because they absolutely no time for themselves anymore, not even to put on a swipe of lipstick.

All N and I do is watch tv or movies, pretty much, so there's no time for me to ever write. There's no reading books or magazines, only watching. N has been annoying me lately...for example, just a few minutes ago I told him a true story about how this well to do woman who was married with four kids got involved with the wrong type of guy and got hooked on heroin and ruined her life. This well to do woman was described as any normal woman, like you or me, which is why it was so shocking that she took such a bad turn. N immediately argued with me that "normal" people don't just get into something as heavy as heroin. Uh, it happens! Ugh I got so annoyed with him that I didn't even bother finishing the story. He does a lot of little annoying things like that. Oh well, I guess I shouldn't get too annoyed because it's his birthday this weekend. We'll be celebrating all weekend with his family by going out to eat and having a cookout at his grandparents' lake house. I hope the weather is nice enough to go out on the boat.

You know, I kind of miss the old days with N...the days of being nervous to see him, wanting to impress him, etc. While I'm very happy that we are together now, it's true that you reach a certain level of comfort once you've been in a relationship a while. N rarely sees me in anything but yoga pants (not that I do yoga or any form of exercise, for that matter) and tank tops with my hair pulled up in a bun (I cannot stand my long hair on my back when at home). I've also gained weight, like a lot of weight, since he moved in. I guess he did move in almost a year and a half ago, so I should stop blaming my fatness on him. When we first starting hanging out as friends 4 years ago, he weighed 70 lbs more than me. Now I weigh 20 lbs more than him. Wtf, that's so wrong! I, as a 5'2" woman, should NOT weigh more than my 6'0" boyfriend! Ugh I feel so fuuuugly!!! It doesn't help that N's mother and grandmother are the size of twigs.

Well, N just barged into the room so my few minutes of alone time is over already. So much for writing for now.

8:04 p.m. - Thursday, Mar. 26, 2015


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