Wow, I haven't had much time to write anymore ever since N moved in.

It definitely has been adjustment having him here all the time. Well, not really an adjustment because I do love having him around. He is still being really affectionate and sweet like he was right before we decided to make things official. He hugs me and gives me lots of kisses when I get home from work, and he usually cooks dinner or helps me with it. He even makes my coffee for the morning sometimes. How precious.

However, there have been some rough patches. I wanted to officially add him to the apartment lease to make things legitimate, but he didn't think it was necessary, saying that the apartment people don't need to know everything. I just didn't like that, I wanted everything to be right. He begrudgingly agreed to do it and we went to the apartment office together. He got so...paranoid about the apartment application as he was filling it out, asking why they needed to know where he used to live and where he works. He felt like they were asking for too much information, and I tried to explain that it's standard information a leasing company needs to know before it decides to let someone use their property. He was rude and cold to me, saying he was not comfortable with this and that he didn't want to pay the $50 to apply. I thought to myself, oh, but you used to drop $60 all the time on weed?? Riiiight. I told him that if he wants to live there, that's just what he has to do. Amber and I had to do it, plus pay a $100 deposit, which he didn't have to do. Why should he get by with not having to pay fees like everyone else? He just wants to fly under the radar and not have his name on anything, I guess.
After we gave Emma, one of the apartment managers, his application, she said that she would need to do an occupied inspection of the apartment before she could run the application. That both made us a little nervous because we didn't know what the inspection would be looking for...evidence that he already lives there? He became cold again and said, "it's obvious I'm living there. This is a bad idea". We went ahead with it, and all Emma did was look for major carpet stains or holes in the walls, and of course there weren't any. So, at least that went well. She called N the next day to tell him he was approved, and he signed the lease, so he's official now, which makes me feel better.

Another thing came up when I got home from work yesterday. He was in my room lying down for a snooze, so I cuddled up next to him and we talked. Somehow, we got on to the topic of credit cards, and I talked about how it's good to have at least one credit card to build credit. Of course, he was totally against that, saying he shouldn't have to have a credit card to build credit and that he should just be able to live his life, blah blah. I told him that's not how the world works, and that if he (or us?) wants to one day buy a house or he needs a new car, he'll need good credit with a credit history in order to get a loan. He argued against that, saying he's not getting a credit card and that is his decision. He can come across as so rude sometimes.

Anyways, that whole conversation upset me because I was just thinking to myself, how are we going to make it in the long run if simple things like apartment applications and getting a credit card are issues now? As we were lying in bed talking last night, he was hypothesizing about us having a kid, and I said "we're not having kids". Number one, he doesn't want any, and number 2, it worries me that small things are an issue now because what's going to happen later when big things go wrong? He won't be able to handle it and that'll affect me, and our relationship will just be really strained or fall apart. I can't imagine bringing a kid into a situation like that...

He got defensive, of course, and said that maybe I shouldn't be with him because he has a psychological disease, a venereal disease, he has nothing to his name, etc. That upset me even more because I don't know what to do! He's the only one I want, but I just don't see how it's going to work when he can be so difficult sometimes. I couldn't help but cry (probably because I had half a bottle of wine + 3 beers), and he immediately stopped being defensive and wrapped himself around me, kissed me, and told me he didn't mean to upset me and that he wants to make me happy. He held me as I (dramatically but honestly) cried into my pillow. Once I pulled myself together, we started kissing. We kiss a lot!

Of course, kissing led to other things...and it was pretty nice! That is all.

10:15 am - Friday, Dec. 6, 2013


previous - next

latest entry





other diaries: