Is this really happening?

I am no longer a black sheep of the family! Haha not that I ever really was, but still. Even though I was sure it would be awkward and uncomfortable, I made my mom meet N because a lot of people seem to change their opinions about him once they meet him.

I was sure my mom would make disapproving faces and ask about his career goals and 5 year life plan, but none of that happened, and get this-she actually really likes him! She had the totally wrong idea about him, and she even said so. She even apologized to me for giving me such a hard time about him! She said she was pleasantly surprised at how smart and humble he is. She said we look good together and that he fits right in with the family. I still can't believe how much she has changed her tune!

Having her meet him, though at first terrifying, was the best thing that could have happened. I know I'm a good judge of character and I knew N was right for me, but it would really bring me down when my mom would tell me I'm making huge mistakes and wasting my time on him. Telling me that my dead grandparents were rolling in their graves didn't really feel too great either. I'm just glad that she finally sees what I see, which is a good person who cares about me. Now that I have my mom's approval, I feel much better about things and not like I'm doing something wrong.

What a relief! N living with me and my sister has been going well. I know it hasn't been that long, but I haven't gotten annoyed or tired of him yet. I quite enjoy being able to see him everyday and having him cuddle up to me at night.

I can't even believe how much has changed. I used to be so lonely and depressed, and now I have a boyfriend who loves me and lives with me! This is insane. N keeps saying he's in this for the long haul, too...he's not dating me just to date, he can see a future with me. He says he'll never want anyone else and that I'm it for him. He even asked yesterday, "do you see us getting married one day?". WTF! I had no idea he was thinking THAT seriously. Plus, as great as we are together, there's one major life thing that we don't agree on. I want kids one day and he doesn't. That's kind of a deal breaker, isn't it? There's no compromising on that...you can't half have a baby and half not have a baby. I keep telling him that I don't see how it's going to work if we don't want the same things in life, and he always gets depressed when I say that because that means our time together is limited. However, not all is lost because he said if I really want a kid he'll give me one just to keep me. Not exactly ideal because I want him to want it too, not just to appease me. But, at least it tells me he's not totally against the idea of kids. Besides, we are both still really young and we won't be having a baby anytime soon. Let's give it 5 years and then we'll talk.

I'm sure all of that will work out eventually. I still can't believe I finally have what I've always wanted. I also can't believe it's with the person I've always wanted! I thought the idea of us ever being more was just not possible. I even asked N what made him change his mind about us, and he said he always knew deep down that I was the right one for him. He was too afraid to risk the friendship for a while and he also didn't want to be my "only". At the time when we first met after not seeing each other since 8th grade, I had never been with anybody. No dates, no relationships, no sex. He wanted me to at least have experience with other guys and well, did I ever! Kinda went too far with that bit, but anyways! I got my experience with other guys, so at least I can say I did see what else is out there and he's still the only one I want.

I just can't believe he's mine and I'm his! Usually the friends with benefits situation ends terribly, but I guess on rare occasions they can turn into something more.

I just never thought it would work out for me!

10:43 a.m. - Thursday, Nov. 21, 2013


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