happyone

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Dreams Really Do Come True?

Well, aren't things getting interesting? N told me he loves me, and he claims he always has.

I have waited 24 years (actually, close to 25!) to hear a guy (a guy I actually LIKE, mind) tell me he loves me. It's quite obvious I have major feelings for this guy (I told him that I love him at the beginning of this year), so you would think that him telling me he loves me would be my dream come true. If so, then why am I not happy?

Don't get me wrong, I can't even believe he said those 3 little words to me, and I am excited that he feels that way for me. That's all I have ever wanted this whole time is for him to love me, but I guess I'm just having a hard time believing him. I don't think he is lying; I think he really does feel that way. I just wonder how he can say he has "always" loved me, yet he has never wanted to date me. I've been here the whole time, but he was always looking for someone else by trying out dating sites, meeting girls who lived in his apartment complex, etc. He didn't even care that I got with other guys. To me, if a guy loves a girl, he wants nothing more than for that girl to be his, and that is NOT how he has behaved thus far. He only just recently started saying stuff like, "you have so much going for you...maybe I should snatch you up before you get taken." Only recently has he has EVER implied that he might want me for himself.

He's definitely thought about us dating before, oh yes, but he has always decided against it, saying he didn't want to risk the friendship if dating didn't work out. Ok, so we can have SEX and still be friends but not DATE and still be friends? Suuuuure. He also said he was protecting me from a dysfunctional relationship with him (yes, he does have major issues). But suddenly, he seems to have changed his mind about all of these reservations he has had. He even said, "just maybe we'll end up together one day." WHAAAATTTT.

I have no idea what has caused his sudden change of attitude about "us". He said he is tired of keeping how he feels bottled up to protect me. Apparently, being in a relationship with him is totally different and more difficult than just having a friendship with him, in his eyes. I wouldn't know because I've never been in a relationship, so I don't know how these things work, but I already know he can be a lot to deal with sometimes. I've been hanging out with him for 2 1/2 years now, so TRUST ME, I've seen the bad. I haven't run for the hills yet (though maybe I should have), so it think I've made it pretty clear that I'll stick around. Who knows what he's thinking. I wonder if the straight hair and the hot new look I had going on when I saw him (which totally floored him) had anything to do with him suddenly confessing feelings and stuff. Who knows?

Even though all of this is great for now, I really don't think anything will change. He said our friendship is strong and he doesn't want that to change, so to me, that sounds like he still doesn't want to risk dating. Even though we both have now admitted that we love each other, I'm sure we'll both remain single and both attempt to date other people. Sounds pretty stupid, but I'm sure that's how it'll go. So no, I guess my dreams haven't really come true yet because I don't just want a guy who says he loves me, I want a guy who wants me to be HIS. I want a guy who will not be afraid to COMMIT to me 100%. Is that too much to ask?

12:47 a.m. - Friday, Aug. 09, 2013

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