I'm OK

Omg I don't know how I did it or when it happened, but I really have moved on from N. Several days after he called and left that voicemail, he called again. I missed the call, so then he texted me, saying, "so are you just not going to talk to me at all anymore?". I was like are you EFFING kidding me?? HE was the one that disappeared without a trace for 2 months! That pissed me off, so I gave him a piece of my mind and told him that I had lost all of my numbers 2 months ago, and I had waited and waited for him to contact me, but he never did. So much for being FRIENDS, asshole!

We texted back and forth a little bit, and he basically blamed ME for us not talking for 2 months since I had lost all of my numbers from my phone. Oh nooo, it couldn't be the fact that he hadn't bothered sending even a, "hey, are you alive?" text in the span of 2 months. If he had just texted me or called, I would have had his number again, simple as that. But, he didn't. I told him that his actions decided that we're not friends anymore, and that I truly realized that we weren't friends anymore after I was in that car accident. Even though I wasn't hurt or anything, he wouldn't have even known if I had been hurt or killed. What kind of friend is that?

Then he got really lame and said that he just needed some time to himself, so he distanced himself. Alone time is great, nothing wrong with it. Why couldn't he have just TOLD ME he wanted time to himself? Instead he disappeared without any warning or explanation for 2 months, so all I could do was guess at what happened. Being a typical girl, I figured it was something I had done. I figured he hated me and didn't want me as a friend anymore or something crazy. It really took a toll on my mental state, seriously. You've seen the entries; I became soooo depressed.

Even though I did not ask for this information, he volunteered the info that there were no other girls. He said, "you probably think there have been multiple girls in the picture, but there haven't. I have been all alone." Umm, I don't believe that for a second. He "falls in love" every time a woman is nice to him at the grocery store, so he really thinks I'm supposed to believe he hasn't been with anyone since the end of March? HAHAHAHAHHA. Yeah, right.

In the end, I basically told him that his disappearance left me no choice but to move on without him. I said that I was glad to finally have some closure, and that I wished him the best. That was the last thing I said to him. He said he does miss having me around and that he hopes I'm doing well. I actually am doing well now that I'm completely done with him. Being involved with him brought more heartache than joy, but for some reason, I couldn't let him go. Funny, his disappearance allowed me to finally break free, although I certainly didn't see it that way in the beginning when I was hurting and wanting nothing more than to hear from him.

I can honestly say that I'm ok now, and I'm ok without him in my life. We had our fun, but I've moved on. I'm just SO GLAD to be ok again because I wasn't for a while. Interesting self-observation that I made...ever since I finally heard from N and got and explanation for his disappearance, my drinking has dramatically reduced. It wasn't even purposeful on my part. Hearing from him and getting a (lame) explanation finally allowed me to close the book on the N chapter of my life. Once I did that, the urge to drink went away.

In other news, my sister and I have started moving into our new apartment. We spent HOURS yesterday loading up the cars with stuff from my old apartment and hauling it into our new apartment. My old apartment is in the same complex as our new apartment, so at least they were near each other. What DIDN'T help is that both apartments are on the second floor, so we were carrying stuff, heavy freaking stuff, up and down stairs all day. Oh, did I mention how HOT it was outside??? It was in the 90s and sunny, so we were sweating so bad and about to have heat strokes/drop dead from exhaustion.

Tomorrow is going to be another fun filled day of moving because we're renting a moving truck to haul all of the furniture (2 beds, 2 couches, 2 desks, a patio set, a coffee table, a filing cabinet, and an entertainment center). OMG my back hurts already thinking of carrying all of that stuff up a flight of stairs! Ughhh.

Well, I best get some kind of rest. Tomorrow is going to be a LOOOOOOOOOONG day.

11:36 p.m. - Saturday, Jul. 20, 2013


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