Don't Waste Time

Soo, my mom has been wanting to repaint the inside of the house for a while, but we haven't gotten around to doing it because it's such a big job (I'm talking moving tons of furniture, using extension ladders, etc.). BUT, it hasn't been re-painted in 13 years or something like that, so we decided it was time.

My sis and I are nuts, by the way, because we basically repainted this entire house (the living room, the dining room, the downstairs hall, the stairwell, and the upstairs hall) all in ONE day. Yes, one. We painted nonstop for NINE hours. My lower back was so sore that night that I couldn't even lift my legs to walk! We painted on Saturday, took Sunday off, and then did more painting (mostly touchups and trim) today.

Our house went from a creamy yellow color on the inside to a nice Caribbean lagoon color called Mystic Sea. It's soooo relaxing looking! I absolutely love the color. I'm so glad my sis and I powered through and got the painting done quickly so we could put the furniture and everything back in order. I can't stand when everything is in chaos and not neat. It causes me anxiety and I can't relax!

So, with the whole painting for 9 hours and being very active, you would think that I would lose a little weight or something but noooo, I GAIN weight. Like, wtf. How does that happen? I have gained a good 10 pounds since school ended at the beginning of May, which now means I weigh 210. OMG 210 WTFFFFF. I'm only 5'2, I can't weigh this muuuch! My heaviest weight ever used to be 193, but I have clearly surpassed that. I also used to be in the upper 170s. That's probably about where I was before I started grad school 2 years ago. NOW LOOK AT ME! Pretty soon, I'll be too big to even get out of my house and I'll have to be cut out like that lady in What's Eating Gilbert Grape.

Sigh. Drinking so much probably isn't helping my case at all. I drank several glasses of red and white wine earlier. I usually end up drinking a whole bottle every other night. Why is alcohol so fattening? And expensive? Why are all good things actually so horrible? I could just NOT drink, but I get the urge, plus I enjoy feeling fuzzy headed.

Ugh, I know I should stop, though, because I hate thinking about how unhealthy I am, or at least, how unhealthy I will be very soon if I don't change my ways. As of right now, my blood pressure and all of that is good, but that's probably only because I am young.

My mom, who is 61 and who has never had health problems, recently found out that she has high blood pressure and is most likely diabetic. Her blood pressure has tested through the roof on more than one occasion, so that was enough to warrant BP medication. My mom's blood sugar has also tested insanely high, like in the 400s. I googled what a blood sugar of 400 means, and I immediately panicked and became so scared because that's getting at diabetic coma and DEATH levels. Who knows how long my mom has had uncontrolled high BP and diabetes! She would always refuse to go to the doctor when sis and I would suggest it, saying doctors are just guessing half the time and charge too much. But now look! She's got some serious health issues that she could have caught a long time ago if she just hadn't been so stubborn.

I mean, if you're over 60, you're bound to have health issues. It's just scary for me because my mom has always been fine. It's just scary to realize that her health is declining and that she is, in fact, aging. The thought terrifies me because once my mom dies, my sister and I will be all alone. My mom's parents have been dead for 30 years, and my own dad has been dead for 16 years. Sure, there are a couple of aunts left and a family friend who has been like a second parent, but my mom is in way better health (I hope) than all of them. All of them probably won't be around in another 5 years, so my mom is all my sister and I will have left, and she's the person we need the most. I really don't know what we'll do without her.

Thinking about her being gone has me reevaluating how I treat her. I'm ashamed to say that I can be horrible sometimes with how easily irritated I can get. I'm known for "biting off heads" and using a disrespectful "tone". Why would I be like that towards someone who has given me everything, someone who one day won't be here? Now I feel terrible, and I vow to be better. My mom knows I absolutely love her, even when it doesn't always come across that way.

Well, I guess the lesson is to value and treasure every moment because who really knows how much time you have left with the people you love.

2:49 a.m. - Tuesday, Jul. 09, 2013


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