No, I have not heard from N. It's been almost 2 months. And you know what I have to say about that now? FUCK HIM.

Yes, I was (and sometimes still am) very upset about him totally dropping me, but I think I'm now moving into the anger phase. He is a complete asshole, and he is truly no friend of mine anymore.

While I do sometimes miss him, there's a lot that I DON'T miss. In fact, I was unhappy a lot of the time I was with him or talking to him. I just put up with it because I got my emotions all tangled in there thanks to him being my first for everything. Kind of hard not to get attached when that happens.

If he doesn't want me in his life, fine. He can go fuck himself. I hope he has fun smoking weed every day and hanging out with his loser friends. I hope the new girl he's with (although I still have nothing confirming he has a new girl, just my own intuition) enjoys experiencing road rage and someone who can't handle authority figures or negative situations and feelings (not good qualities if you're looking for the future father of your babies). She also better not hope to receive support for anything going on in her life because most of the time, it's ALLLLL about him.

I bet he'll be doing drugs and hanging out with losers for the rest of his life. He'll just continue doing nothing and going nowhere. He could do better, but won't put in the work to make anything happen. He's just the type to be a loser with the nothing part-time job, the drugs, and the loser friends. At least he lost the long hair and earring! That's a start. Well, I hope it all works out for him.

This is the last time I will ever talk about him, on here or in person. It's clear he's gone for good, so I'm not wasting any more time and energy on him than I already have. There were good times, there were bad times, but now it's all just distant memories. I won't lie and say that I won't think about him, because I'll probably continue to think about him every day and dream about him at night. Eventually, that will stop, too. He made his choice, and now I'm making mine to move on. I had been hanging on, keeping it alive by reliving memories, but now it's time to completely let go. I am tearing up now, but I guess there's sadness in any goodbye, no matter the circumstances.

Goodbye, N.

2:21 a.m. - Saturday, Jul. 06, 2013


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