If I thought last summer was miserable, it's nothing compared to this summer. I didn't think things could get worse after N abandoned me for no reason, but oh, I was wrong.

I am home from graduate school for the summer, so you would think I would be enjoying a nice summer vacation, but no. Last night, I had two of my best friends over, and they both happen to work the night shift at their jobs, so they have to stay up late to maintain their crazy schedules. Since it's summer and they work night shift, we all stayed up until 3 am before they both left. My mom had gone to sleep in my room because my room is the only room in this STUPIDLY built house where you can escape the light and noise of the living room. She has gone to sleep in my room many times when I've wanted to stay up later than her, and then I would just wake her up and she would move to her own bed. So, I did just that last night like I always do. After my friends left, I went up to my room and turned the light on so she could stumble to her own room.

Even though we've had this arrangement for a while, the late hour and the turning on of the light made her mad. She wasn't mad last night, but just this evening she lectured me on being inconsiderate. I was like, uhh you were in MY bed!! What did she want me to do? Oh, she had an answer for that. She said I should have just slept in the twin bed in our laundry room (the only other available bed last night) and should not have woken her up.

Sooo, I can't even sleep in my own bed anymore without it being a problem. Sure, 3 am is late, but it is SUMMER. My mom is a teacher, so she is off of work, too! It would have been a different story if I had woken her up before a work day, but that's not the case. Also, my friends work NIGHT SHIFT, so they have to stay up late. And further, we are YOUNG. Young people stay up late. My mom also gave me a hard time about drinking because last night I had some (ok, a lot of) wine. But I wasn't the only one drinking because everyone else, INCLUDING HER, had a glass of wine. Still, she had to get her snide comment about my drinking in there somewhere.

So, according to my mom, no one should be up past midnight, and drinking should not be allowed. Oh, and if she falls asleep in MY bed, she should just be allowed to stay there.

WTF. I just graduated with my Master's degree and I'm on summer vacation, so I should be having fun. Instead, I couldn't hate my life any more.

I am so unhappy that I don't even remember what being happy is like. I just feel like I don't have anything to live for anymore. N, however maddening he was at times, brought me a lot of happiness, so without him in my life, the happiness is all but gone. I feel like I have no one, and that I'm all alone.

It really doesn't help that THREE of my classmates got recently engaged. Three are already married. By the way, there's 9 of us. 3 married, 3 currently engaged, and 1 with a serious boyfriend (so she'll probably get engaged next). Only me and one other girl don't have boyfriends. How the other girl doesn't have a boyfriend is beyond me because she is so beautiful, smart, and funny. I'm talking 5'10, bright blue eyes, long black hair. I'm sure she'll get a boyfriend soon, and then I'll be the only girl in my entire class who is pathetically alone. I don't even have anybody to date. There's nobody.

There really is no point in me living. I wish that I would just disappear. POOF. Gone.

11:37 p.m. - Sunday, Jun. 16, 2013


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