Just A Memory

Tomorrow marks 2 weeks since I've heard from N. It's amazing how I can be forgotten so suddenly and so completely for no reason at all. At least it's not because I got drunk and said stuff I shouldn't. Good to know those days are behind me. Bright side, right?

But no, there has to be some reason he's disappeared like this, and it can only mean there's another woman. She must be The One for him if he hasn't thought about me at all for this long. She must be so great that all thought of me was obliterated from his mind, and now he's starting his happily ever after, with not another thought given to me at all.

Sometimes I try to rationalize and wonder if he got a new phone and lost my number, but I'm trying not to be in denial. I just have to face it: he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. For some reason, that just doesn't make sense to me. We used to talk about the day when one of us would find a significant other (me, a boyfriend or him, a girlfriend), and he said that even if he did get a girlfriend, he's not going anywhere and that we'll always be close. I guess that's not the case anymore. I wonder why that changed?

I just feel like I must not be worth much. I feel like I'm easily forgettable and replaceable. I'll be honest, these past 2 weeks have been some of the worst in a long time. Sad and depressed has become my default mood. I should be happy since I just survived 2 years of graduate school and got a Master's degree and now I'm out on summer vacation, but all of this has ruined it. I guess the most hurtful part is that I don't know why he abandoned me. We were planning for me to visit him, but he had to cancel to give his friend a ride to a cookout they both were invited to. He said he was sorry, but that he was sure we would see each other soon. That was the last I heard from him. You see, there's no closure there, nothing to hint at the weeks of silence that would soon follow. I just don't get it.

Oh well, I must accept that he is just a memory now and move on with my pathetically boring life. It would be easier to move on if someone else was interested in me, but no one is ever interested in me. Apparently, being overweight prevents people from thinking of you in a romantic way. Thus, you're stuck being seen only as a "friend", and sometimes not even that. Sigh.

10:57 p.m. - Sunday, May. 26, 2013


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