Evil Inside

Sigh. All I want is to fall in love with someone (and by WITH, I mean they fall in love with me, too!), but I never get what I want.

That's not to say I haven't had guys like me, oh no. Guys definitely like me as a friend and they like having sex with me, but do they want to date me? No. Yet out of their own mouths I hear about how I'm "so loveable that I don't even know it", and that I'm the "marrying type" because I'm "smart, sweet, and pretty". I even had a guy bet that I will be married in 5 years. If all of what they say is true, then why can't one of them date me if they think I'm so great?

My mom's best friend is also convinced I'm going to be the first of my sisters to get married, and I'm going to have 3 kids. Wtf, I'm 24 and I've never even had a boyfriend, so how is getting married and having kids even remotely possible? It's not! No one wants me like that. They "want" me, but not really.

Case in point: one of my old coworkers popped up on Facebook chat, and we chatted away. My old coworker is married, and his wife and two kids happened to be out of town for the Thanksgiving holiday, so he was lonely. Let's just say the conversation took on a sexual tone. Omg, I'm horrible! I know full well this man is married (plus he's 40...too old for me!), yet there I was, clearly being inappropriate. He also admitted that he had a crush on me when we used to work together, and he often fantasized about us working late together. Just another example of a man who "wants" me, but not really because he's married. I feel bad about talking to him in that way knowing he's married.

Maybe I have evil in my heart and that's why love can't find me.

1:08 a.m. - Sunday, Nov. 25, 2012


previous - next

latest entry





other diaries: