The End

I don't think I can do this anymore.

Hadn't heard from my friend, the one I may or may not be in love with, in a week, right? *Bing!* Text message from him. What does it say? Ohh, just that he is in utter bliss because his dream girl (one of his coworkers) gave him her number. So, he's over the moon, happy, and infatuated with another girl. I am not even on his radar, he doesn't care about me one bit. I like how that's the first thing I hear from him after a week of silence. Really makes me feel good inside.

Sigh. I'm actually not as disappointed and sad as I thought I would be...maybe it'll hit me later; I don't know. All I know is that I can't keep putting myself through this roller coaster of being close to him and then hearing about his love and attraction for other girls. It hurts! It's like I'm paralyzed by my feelings for him, so I get hit every time he shoots out all these comments about his feelings for other girls. I can't move out of the way. BUT! I am going to try to because this is no way to live, pining after someone who clearly does not want me and never will want me the way that I want him to. Yes, we're friends, but we'll never be anything more than that.

So, I must let him and all of it go. I deleted him from my phone (which technically doesn't matter since I have his number memorized), so if I do get a text from him, I'll just see a number and a picture of the Android robot. It's easier to not get attached and have emotional reactions if I'm not seeing his name or his picture. Plus, it's not like we text or talk that much anyways. I'm also not going to see him anymore. If he happens to be in town or wants me to visit, I'll say I'm busy. Maybe then we'll eventually drift apart and the friendship will end. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but it's too hard on me just being his friend. I'm too close and emotionally involved right now. Maybe after enough time has passed and my feelings have faded, we can hang out again. Or not. I don't know how this'll go.

1:47 p.m. - Thursday, Oct. 25, 2012


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