Sex ≠ Love

Well, go ahead and call me a dummy. My friend with benefits and I have started things back up again. We were together for the first time after 2 months, and let me tell you...it was amazing. Even though it had been a while, we're just so attracted to each other and comfortable with one other. There had also been some tension built up because the last few times we've hung out, we haven't been able to get any alone time, so the sexual tension just hung in the air. It was really good to finally be able to dispel that tension, ahem. After I left (after spending the whole weekend with him and his family), he wasted no time in sending me a text about how amazing our time had been. We're both already looking forward to the next time we can get together.

Now, I have been so depressed and miserably lonely lately, but magically, I'm feeling much better. Why? Probably because a guy having sex with me makes me feel "liked". I know we're "just friends" who have sex and he doesn't want a relationship with me, but at least I get to secretly delude myself into feeling like I'm in a relationship. I mean, that's what a relationship feels like, right? Hanging out with his family the whole weekend (spending the night with all of them) to celebrate his grandmother's birthday? Kissing, having sex? Taking his dog for a walk in the park? Swimming with his little sister in the pool? Yeah, feels kind of relationshipy to me.

Oh well, if it makes me feel better, I'll take it, even though it's not exactly the situation I want. BUT! I have done this before with this guy, and I got emotions all tangled up in it and I became a hurt mess. How could I not, right? I just hope I don't fall into that trap again where I get jealous of the other women he's talking to, become depressed that he wants my body but not a relationship, etc. I just need to stop thinking so much. I'll keep pursuing the Marine and anyone else that comes along so that my friend doesn't become my sole focus and obsession. When there are other guys interested, it doesn't hurt as much that my friend doesn't want me.

Yeahhh, we'll see how long that lasts!

10:33 p.m. - Tuesday, Oct. 09, 2012


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