So yeah, I met a guy. Why does everyone think I'm going to marry him? I've literally never had a boyfriend and have NO dating experience, and I'm just supposed to up and marry the first guy who shows interest in me? This is not to say that this guy is not a great catch because he absolutely is, but I only got to spend 4 days with this guy before he had to go back to base, which, oh yeah, is 3000 miles away from here.

Don't get me wrong, I really like him, too. I'm just starting the fearful "what if" process. Everyone seems to think this is a match made in Heaven, but what if it doesn't work out? Once he gets out of the Marines in 8 months, what if we try dating and find we don't like each other as much as we thought? I just feel like everyone is putting too much pressure on this "relationship" (which doesn't even exist yet!) to work, when no one has any idea how it'll go. And it's not just my family saying we'll get married, but his, too! It's like a huge conspiracy or something.

Okay, so what if we do get married and then grow apart? I don't want to get divorced. I'm not doing that! Marriage just seems far too big of a risk. I sound like a hypocrite because all I've ever wanted for so long is to find someone to love and marry. Now I'm like...marriage? That's a BIG deal. And with so many marriages not working out these days, it just seems too complicated to even try. How can two people possibly stay together decades and decades? We all change as individuals over time, so it just seems highly unlikely that two people can come together and stay together through all of those changes that each will go through. I definitely have known people who stayed married for a long time, so I know it happens...like my grandparents. They were married for 52 years before my grandma passed away. They, of course, were from a completely different generation when the times and the people were different.

I don't know. I'm probably thinking too much. Everyone keeps telling me, "don't look a gift horse in the mouth," but since everyone seems to think me finding "the One" is a done deal, I feel it's my duty to be like, HEY, WAIT. This might not work out like you all think. Then again, maybe it will.

No one knows.

10:06 p.m. - Tuesday, Aug. 28, 2012


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