The Grinch

Merry Christmas!

And now to change the mood from holiday cheer, I am in a funk. We had a big 'ole Christmas dinner get together with a bunch of family friends, and the adults were all telling wild and crazy stories from when they were younger, a friend my age was talking about doing an internship in Atlanta, my sister was gushing about going to study abroad in Spain, and another friend was there with her wonderful husband and sparkling 2 carat diamond ring.

I couldn't help but feel like my life is boring by being surrounded by such a lot. I don't have a great husband and a beautiful diamond ring, I don't have any big plans to study abroad or intern in a big city like Atlanta, I don't have any "wild and crazy" stories. I don't have friends that want to go out drinking (not that I really care to do that myself), or even want to hang out period. No friends, definitely no boyfriend (there has never been one of those), nothing. I have done nothing and there is nothing in my future, unless you count tortuous graduate school, which I may or may not get into because I have been putting off taking the GRE (I'm scared of the math section).

Having no friends sucks. I mean, I have friends, or I like to think I do, but it's not like they ever contact me to hang out or even talk to me period. I see what they're up to on Facebook, but it's not like we actually talk. My sister, on the other hand, has several good friends that she is constantly texting, e-mailing, and going to visit in other states.

I feel so lame. Why doesn't anyone care about me? Why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me? The only person who really cares and always wants me around is my mom. When I tell her I might move away to the beach after graduate school, she says, "well, then I'm going with you!". She can't stand the thought of me not living with her. I mean, I'm supposed to branch out sometime, right? I know a lady from work who is in her 50s, and she lives with her 80 year old mother because she never got married or had kids, why, don't know because she's an attractive, smart woman. I'm afraid that'll be me. I like to think that I, too, am attractive and smart, a good catch all around, yet I'll end up alone, for whatever reason. That lady did. I could, too.

Booo, I'm depressed. I'm lonely and have a boring life.

Even so, though, I am blessed with a wonderful, loving family. I couldn't have asked for a better mother, and my sister is like my other half (even though we do get on each other's nerves a lot). I do have a lot to be thankful for, so maybe I shouldn't be such a grinch.

11:52 p.m. - Saturday, Dec. 25, 2010


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