I don't know what to do.

Ever since my little sister (the best friend I always spent time with) has been spending entire weekends with her new (and first) boyfriend, I have taken to hanging out with a guy friend of mine because I am lonely. It has just been light fun so far, just going to movies and swimming at the lake, but I knew that the more I hung out with him, the less he would be able to resist liking me. That sounds very arrogant. When I say he wouldn't be able to resist liking me, I don't mean that because I'm such a wonderful catch, but that this particular boy seems to have a weak spot where I'm concerned. I went to two dances with him in high school (military ball and prom), and he declared that he loved me, even though we still didn't really know each other. Once we got into college, though, we kind of went our separate ways for a bit, though we attended the same college. We still chatted on Facebook sometimes and sent texts here and there. But once my sister got hooked up with that guy, I became so intensely lonely that I started hanging out with this guy friend of mine, just to have someone to be with. Sure enough, a few movies and a swim in the lake together resulted in me getting a Facebook message from him today saying that he, indeed, likes me once again. He probably never stopped liking me, but anyways...

I'm confused because I say I don't feel anything towards him, but that's not entirely true. I did get a thrill when he started rubbing my back while we were together last night. I think I only feel for him physically. We don't connect on an intellectual basis, but I've continued hanging out with him because he is a male who likes me. I am 20 freaking years old and have never had any kind of physical contact with a male. Sad, but true. So, I think my body is protesting because it's making me crave some kind of physical contact, which is why I often think about kissing him when we're together, even though I can't get myself to initiate anything.

So now that he's told me he likes me, what should I do? I can't honestly tell him that I like him back, because I don't. But, I don't want to tell him that I don't like him because I don't want to end what we've got going on.

Basically, I'm screwed up in the head!!!

4:50 p.m. - Sunday, Jun. 28, 2009


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