Dang it, I said I would update this thing everyday! Oh well, I lied. Ok, so the military ball is next Saturday! I'm really nervous about it...I've never been to any kind of dance thing where I've actually worn a pretty dress. We'll see how it goes!

School is as annoying as ever, but right now I'm feeling pretty good about stuff. Doing okay in math, I UNDERSTAND stuff in Chemistry (yay!) and I'm not behind in my reading for U.S. history for once! So all is well for right now. Well, except that I'm supposed to be reading chapters 17-20 in Huckleberry Finn right now, but instead I'm on here!

My friend Sandy got a boyfriend two weeks ago, and she's been telling me and others all about him and how he wants to kiss her all the time and they make out. She said this was her first serious boyfriend and that it was her first time ever making out with anyone. I've NEVER made out with anyone! I haven't even been kissed! It just seems like everyone in the entire world has had at least their first kiss! Well, everyone except me! :( Why wouldn't somebody want to kiss me? There's nothing wrong with me! Ay, I guess there is because it's never happened for me. Oh well. I guess my day will come eventually.

You know, school gets really tiring when I have to pretend all the time. Like with a lot of people, I have to pretend to be interested in what they're saying or laugh whenever they say something funny. But most of the time, these people aren't saying interesting and funny things. I mean, I have like, one class, which is Chemistry class, where I have pretty cool friends that I can talk to and like hanging out with. But in my other classes, I don't know. The people are just too annoying. Like, they think being "random" is cool. Yeah, it's so NOT! I also hate it when the people in my class kind of make fun of me for being smart. I mean, they too are in an AP class, but they always act like I'm sooo smart. Like today in U.S. history, we had to write a DBQ (Document Based Question) thingy, and I wrote a page front and back and 3/4 of another page. The girl in front of me turned around and looked at all I had written and was like "overachiever". Then she pretended to erase my name and put her name on it. I mean, me and her are friendly and stuff like that, but it annoys me when they do stuff like that. Ok, I'm NOT the smartest person! It's not my fault that I try to do really well and they don't! Besides, just because my essay is long doesn't mean it's good.

The fact is, I'm really not that smart. I don't know why people get that impression! Sure I make good grades on tests somehow, but I'm really not as smart as they think I am. They think I'm a genius or something. I mean, I know I'm smart, but I'm not a brainiac by no means! My class rank is 62 out of 510, which is pretty good, but it's still only in the top 12%. Sometimes I feel really proud of my class rank because all these other people are like, oh I'm 200-something. But then other times when I'm around the really smart kids I feel stupid because they're like, number 33.

Man, I'm in a dilemma about what math and science courses to take next year! My math teacher recommended me for Precalculus (I should have taken that this year, but I'm behind in math) and I don't think I'll be able to do it. I mean, I make Bs in math, but I'm seriously not good at it! If we're learning something RIGHT THEN and I see a problem like what we're learning, then I can do it. But if it shows up months later, I will not remember how to do it at all! I ran into my 9th grade Algebra I teacher who's semi-retired now, and I asked her advice about what I should do for math next year, and she said I should take Algebra III. She said Precal is near impossible without the lab, and I don't want to take a lab because then I won't have room to take classes I like. She also said you wouldn't need Precal anyway unless you were becoming an engineer. Which I am definitely NOT going to be! My future career (whatever it may be) does not involve math or science! Speaking of science, my science teacher recommended me for Physics next year, which I think I will not be able to do! This insanely smart girl in my Latin class is in Physics and Chemistry right now. She's 30 something in class rank and is one of those math/science people. In fact, she has a 99 or something like that in Chemistry and even SHE has trouble with Physics! Now what makes my teacher think I could do that? The alternative to Physics would be Human Anatomy, which is something I've always been interested in! Particularly the brain, I mean how does that thing work?!?!?! I also know the teacher who would be teaching Anatomy, and she's AWESOME! I had her for Biology, and she's always telling us these crazy stories! But see, Physics and Precal are the "recommended" next steps for math and science, and I don't want to not take something that would help me out in the long run. This one girl told me that colleges would rather you take Physics and Precal. I don't know if she knew what she was talking about though...

Well, I think that's enough dilemmas for now! I've gotta go read some Huckleberry Finn and then stare at the insides of my eyelids!

9:48 p.m. - February 06, 2006


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