A friend

Man, i haven't written in this thing for a while!! Not much has happened since...well I turned 16, that's the only big thing really. Umm...oh man guess what! I feel SO BAD for my friend. He's had it rough in his 16 years of living...he's never met his dad (EVER), and his mom doesn't even live with him (he lives with his grandmother). His mom is off with her boyfriend and he told me a week or so ago that she's going BACK to jail (so she's been there before) for drug possession while on probation or something like that...he also said she called him and his grandmother wanting $400 to pay for the fine! Some mother that is, calling her kid asking for help out of jail. Since he's had trouble with his mother and not having a father he's cut himself before and not too long ago he told me he was suicidal. I went and told the guidance counselor at school even though he told me not to tell anyone. I don't know exactly what they did to help, but I know he was mad at me for telling. But how was I just supposed to go about my daily life like normal knowing he wants to kill himself and DIE??? Meaning not LIVE anymore?? How horrible! I mean, I couldn't let him do that! I know he thinks I "tattled" on him but I was just really trying to help. Maybe he doesn't see it, but people do care about him (like his grandma, who basically raised him) and would be devastated if he were to do something like that. It hurts me just knowing he used to cut himself. He showed me his scars on his wrist and that bothered me. I remember I asked him why he did that and he said it felt good. Like it was a release or something. I've heard stories about cutters saying stuff like that and I just don't get it. I don't understand how hurting yourself physically helps you out with your other hurts because you're basically just hurting yourself even more. Plus it also hurts others knowing that you intentionally hurt yourself. Okay, some more of the problems he has...this past week his best friend (a girl) got caught having you know what in the stairwell at school with her boyfriend. So, she got suspended (her bf got expelled-I'm not sure if she's going to be expelled too or not) and everyone at school was making fun of her and stuff so he had to deal with that although he agrees with everyone that it was a stupid thing to do. I mean, come on, in a stairwell?? It was also in broad daylight! Another absolutely horrible thing that has happened to him is once again, just this past week, his grandfather was murdered in the nursing home he was staying at. Can you believe it? He's been through all that and now this? How much can one person take, really? When he told me we were at lunch in the salad line and he was about to cry. It's just so...sad. He missed two days afterwards just because his nerves were shot and I don't blame him. I just wish I could help him somehow...but is there really anything I can do?? I can't fix his family or bring back his grandpa or erase all of his painful memories...all I can really do is be a friend and be there for him. I hope that's enough.

11:11 p.m. - February 05, 2005


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