just thinking

yaa, it's been a while! Well, ever since school started I've been overwhelmed with homework! There's just so much I have to do all the time that I never get a break to just relax. The only reason I'm writing this now is because today was a student holiday. So I was actually able to do stuff that I wanted to do today besides piles of homework that involves massive amounts of brain power. School is basically all I do these days. For real, after school I get about 30 minutes to just sit there and rest my brain then I have to start the homework and I usually don't get finished until around 11 but sometimes it's later than that. Ugh, all this homework really messes up my sleep. I know you're supposed to get 9 hours of sleep a night but ha. There have been a few times that I did go to bed at 9. That was one of the really lucky days.

You know...lately I've been starting to notice how much I have learned and changed. I know in the past I've thought school was pointless because I was just going to forget all the stuff, but I actually haven't. My sister, who's in 8th grade, asks me questions that she needs help on from her homework and I'm actually able to answer. I mean I can't answer everything but I'm just surprised I remember anything from 8th grade, even though it was only two years ago. I've matured too. I used to not take school that seriously. I don't think I hardly ever studied before 9th grade. I made okay grades. Math was part of the time okay and part of the time not so good. Math has always been my weak spot. But in 9th grade, I made a 96 in advanced math, which is really good for me considering I had to be on a math academic plan in 6th grade and was in basic math for 7th and 8th grade. Most of the people in my grade are ahead of me in math (I'm in geometry now while they're in algebra 2). But still, I've finally realized how important grades are and I've finally stepped up to the plate, even in math.

I think I have also grown in my faith. I remember thinking in 7th grade, deep down, that I truly didn't believe in God even though I wanted to. I just couldn't fathom how a God could be possible. Well, that shows how naive I was. Nowdays I think, how could there NOT be a God?? I mean, just look at the world. It's not possible for this to have happened by itself. And if you just think about the amazing complexity of the human body and how it works...there's just no other explanation. If you don't believe there is a God, then just sit and think about it. How did this world happen? How did I get here and why?? If you just think about life, you realize that there has to be some kind of purpose there. Were we just these creatures that were created to live and die? No! I mean, that doesn't even make sense. If you just think about life, and really think, it just all boils down to God. For what other reason could we possibly be for? I know I'm not a religion expert and don't read the Bible as nearly as often as I should (believe me, there are plenty of things that I don't know). But if you do read the Bible, then you will find that the answers to everything ARE in there. You just have to read it. I know I should too. But anyway, I was trying to explain that I've grown in my faith. Okay, see, my sister (yes, the 8th grader...I'm telling you this because I have 2 other sisters that I could possibly be talking about) but anyways, she has told me on a few occasions that she believes that, deep down (like I did), that she doesn't believe in God. I know I have grown because now days, I have no doubts at all. I KNOW there is a God. I got an e-mail today that said something cool: "Better to live like there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than to live like there isn't a God, and die and find out there is". What more can I say? Plus, I'm reading the book The Inferno, which is GREAT! I mean, the main character takes a tour of HELL! The point of the story is to show the main character that if he doesn't straighten up and get his life in order and right with God, then this is what could happen to him. In a way, this book makes me think that this is what Hell is really like. For some reason, I believe it. My language teacher said that some people believe the author of the book (who made himself the main character) actually had a vision and then wrote it all down in this book The Inferno (along with Purgatorio and Paradiso). It's really a great book and I reccommend it. It will change the way you act and the decisions you make.

11:39 p.m. - October 08, 2004


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