Do other people ever make you feel insecure about yourself?

I'm sort of experiencing that right now...I work with a special education teacher, Olga, who is awesome. I've worked with her for 2 years now at the high school level. She's originally from Russia, but she moved to the States to NY when she was 19. She met her husband shortly after moving and immediately got married. Her husband already had 2 children from a previous marriage, so she helped raise them, and then eventually they had 2 children of their own, 2 boys now aged 12 and 7.

Olga is a high achiever. She has 3 different Master's degrees and she was Director of a school for students with severe Autism in NY. Of course, she's bilingual in Russian and English. She loves doing research on different topics and pushing herself in her career. She's very high energy and always busy, on the go, and doing something. She tells me about her home life and how busy it is, raising her 2 boys and taking care of multiple pets (dog, lizard, parrot). She literally goes to sleep most days probably at midnight or even a little later. I don't see how she does all of that! She's also ultra-thin - maybe 110 lbs. - and she said she only eats "to live".

I'm basically the exact opposite of her. I have no hectic, chaotic life (not that I want one). I am not driven or motivated to do more in my job. I'm also hugely overweight because I do live to eat lol! Just today, Olga was describing how she was 9.5 weeks along with her second son before she realized she was pregnant. She said she had no symptoms other than heartburn and feeling "so fat". She couldn't understand why she was feeling so fat because she's never been fat. She did hundreds of crunches for weeks trying to make the fat go away but then she learned she was pregnant. I'm pretty sure her idea of what is fat is nothing. As she told this story, I wondered what she must think of me. Another big, fat, lazy, horrible American who is just content to sit at her desk all day long and not work hard in her career, probably.

Okay, that last bit wasn't fair. Her talking about her life had nothing to do with ME. I don't know, her vibe just makes me feel very inadequate sometimes, in my career and in my physical appearance. Oh well, it won't matter for long because she just accepted a job with a neighboring school district, so I won't be seeing her again after this school year. I'll miss working with her as she's really good at what she does. I hope she enjoys her new job!

2:42 p.m. - Thursday, May. 06, 2021


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