today. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Snow Storm Oh my gosh, MORE SNOW DAYS! More snow days = schools are CLOSED. Schools being closed = I get to stay home all day in my pajamas, eat tons of food, and oh yeah, drink a boatload of wine. I was prepared for the impending snow storm by buying a bottle for each day I'll be out of school, lol. I've already gotten started, in fact. Ahh, feels so good to sit here with wine and watch it snow outside. It looks like a winter wonderland outside! Anyways, enough about the snow. I'm still having nagging doubts about what N is up to when he's constantly texting this Linda girl. I have too many insecurities to be in a relationship, seriously. It didn't help to learn that after I went to bed last night, Linda apparently texted N some sort of picture. I know this because my sister was sitting out in the living room with him after I had gone to bed. She couldn't tell what the picture was of, though. Did I really think that N becoming my boyfriend and moving in with me would change things when it comes to him and other women? You would think so, but that's not the case, it seems. Or I could just be totally off and he and Linda are just innocently exchanging conversation strictly as coworkers. I mean, she has a boyfriend! It would probably be worse if she were single, but I guess relationships don't really stop people these days. Sigh. I just know what he's like, and he has always had way more female friends than male friends, a fact that I hate. He probably also doesn't realize that being flirty with other girls while you're in a relationship is WRONG. I don't think he'd actually cheat or anything like that...the only thing he does is perhaps talk inappropriately with girls. I mean, back when he was with his ex-girlfriend, we would talk for hours on the phone or the internet and he would definitely come across as flirty at times. He would tell me how beautiful I am and how he couldn't believe I'd never had a boyfriend. At the time, I was loving the attention, so I didn't think much about him having a girlfriend and saying all of these things to me. But now that I'm the girlfriend, I'm not liking it so much... N also had an "episode" yesterday. When I got home from work, I had a splitting headache and needed to take medicine and lie down. We had planned on going to the store together because we were out of a lot of stuff, plus the snow storm was coming. Since I wasn't feeling well, I told N to go to the store without me so I could rest. I knew he wasn't happy about having to go by himself because we needed a lot of things from the store, so it would be a big load. I didn't feel bad for him, though, because I had just worked 8 hours and wasn't feeling good. Meanwhile, he had had the day off and spent it playing video games and doing who knows what else. Because this is the South, the impending "snow storm" sent everyone into a tizzy, so tons of people were at the grocery store when N went, trying to stock up on essential items. When N got back, I could tell he was in a bad mood. He didn't even ask how I was feeling when he came in. He just sat the groceries down and started to put things away. I got up to help because the medicine and an hour long nap had made me feel much better. As I was putting things away in the kitchen, I looked over to see N angrily ripping up a grocery bag. I asked him what was wrong, and he said he was just pissed off because there had been too many people at the store, so much so that he couldn't even move without people walking in front of him. See, I KNEW he wouldn't be able to handle going to the grocery store by himself (though it was probably really busy). His angry, pissed off mood immediately made me shut down, so I avoided him the rest of the night. Didn't say much, limited eye contact. He eventually got out of his mood and returned to his usual self, but I was still distant. What kind of person can't handle going to the grocery store? Even more so, what does that mean for our long term prospects? In life, things go wrong and bad things happen, that's just the way it is. I want someone who can handle things as they happen, not get angry and hateful over things they can't change. When N acts like that, I sometimes wonder if he really is "the One". Do I really want someone who can't handle going to the grocery store without having a fit? I guess it's a good thing he doesn't want kids, because I don't seem him handling that well at all. That makes me feel tragically sad because as I've said before, I've always wanted kids. I've even compromised and told N that I only want one kid, but I don't know if he can even handle one. Maybe he just needs more time to grow up and mature? I don't know. He'll be 26 next month, so you would think he'd be there already. Bah, but you know what they say about men taking ages to actually grow up. Some never do! Anyways, enough about guys and the annoying shit they do. I feel like my best friend has replaced me. We used to be so close and have so much fun together doing crazy stuff, but ever since she got that paper route along with her other job, she's always busy. Plus, I'm in graduate school in another town. However, every time I come back to town to visit, she's always too busy to see me. She has started this new "relationship" with this married man and his wife...yeah, don't ask. People do weird things these days. So, she's always driving to visit them in their town. She also has some other girl that she's always hanging out with. In fact, she just posted a giant Facebook message about how she's loving having these new people in her life. Yeah, I've definitely been replaced and forgotten. I guess N will replace me with Linda soon and forget me, too. Even though I finally have a boyfriend for once, I'm not really looking forward to Valentine's Day this Friday. N sees Valentine's Day as just a waste of money, so I doubt he'll even get me a present or flowers. Even though I won't get anything, I already got his gift. I got him his favorite beer, chocolate, and some cologne. The cologne is actually the men's version of my perfume. I've always said that I would give that to my boyfriend if I ever get one because it smells amazing. I also got a nice new top and something naughty, ahem, to wear the day of. Oh well, at least I have the fun of snow days and being out of work to enjoy! I love waking up without an alarm, drinking coffee, making the best fried egg sandwich ever, watching Harry Potter movies, and then drinking a giant bottle of wine until I lose track of everything. So great, looking forward to it. Just as an addendum...N came home from work at the same time my sister got home from visiting a friend. I feel like my sister and N have a better connection than N and I do. They talk more, laugh more. I'm just not happy these days. I'm a boring mute who just sits here and drinks wine. No one cares what I think. By the way, half of tomorrow's bottle of wine is already gone. Oops. 5:58 p.m. - Tuesday, Feb. 11, 2014 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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